Chumworth on the News » tweets

Twitter Updates for 2012-02-07

chumworth — Tue, 07 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

Sphincters around New England loosening up thanks to Pats score – and too many nachos. #SuperBowl #
Teams of special effects experts are getting ready for the #SuperBowl halftime show – and that's just Madonna's makeup team. #
Madonna lip-syncing her way through the halftime show – the better to keep her teeth in with. #SuperBowl #
Forget the players; whoever put together this halftime show should be checked for a concussion. #SuperBowl #
Cee Lo having a big night; stars in the half time show and starts at nose tackle for Pats. #SuperBowl #
Well, Tom Brady is gonna have a sore Bundchen tonight. #SuperBowl #
The day after another big loss, I'm again offering Pats fans free hugs. For hygiene purposes, though, I'm wearing an antibacterial suit. #
Most of Boston is still trying to recover from the Pats #SuperBowl loss; me, I'm still trying to recover from the halftime show. #
Once again, @sportsguy33 sums things up pretty well: http://t.co/okTRs6X5 #

chumworth — Mon, 06 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

The house smells like slowly cooking pork and onions and, frankly, it's a turn on. #
Wife now helping the 9 year old make a dress for her doll. Hard for me to relate; my mom didn't do that with me until I was 12. #
If breaking stuff in the kitchen was the same as cooking, I'd be Julia Child. #
Super Sunday has started in our house with projectile kid vomit and flying cans of latex paint. Not sure which team this favors. #
Did some interior painting today, but the color was Blanched Almond. That's a net manly points gain of zero, right there. #
My keys to a perfect pulled pork: a nice fatty cut, slow cooking at a low temp and lots of Enya – pork butt doesn't respond well to stress. #
A little over one hour until kickoff. Right about now Vince Wilfork is having his pre-game cheese fries. #SuperBowl #
55 minutes until kickoff. Tom Brady now getting his Bundchen taped. #SuperBowl #
Pats enter field to Crazy Train; Giants enter field to some song my 12 year old daughter knows. Early (big) advantage: Pats. #SuperBowl #
First play and the Pats were almost called for too many men on the field – until the ref realized Vince Wilwork is only one guy. #SuperBowl #
You can hear sphincters tightening here in New England. #SuperBowl #

chumworth — Sun, 05 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

Time to get the 9 year old ready for her ice skating lesson. First step: crank up "Eye of the Tiger." #
For the record, my tears are from the onions I'm chopping – not from recalling Jack telling Rose that she'll have lots of babies. #titanic #

chumworth — Sat, 04 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

The 9 year old is really getting into the piano. Thank goodness; now I'll have someone to leave my Liberace outfits to. #
Nothing like an early run, a 9:00am meeting and two cups of coffee with the strength of weapons grade plutonium to get the blood flowing. #
Gonna pick up lunch in the Financial District. I'll be sure to shove anyone who sells mortgage-backed securities into oncoming traffic. #
I don't want to judge but, If your cell phone has an antenna, it might be time for an upgrade. Wait – actually, I am judging you, loser. #

chumworth — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

I get at 4:50am to go running. There's a fine line between being an early bird and needing professional help. #
Punxsutawney Phil has seen his shadow, meaning six more weeks of Indian summer. #
You know you've had a few too many blood tests recently when you walk in the lab and get greeted like you're Norm at Cheers. #
I'm working from home today, alone with a stash of @Smarties. Nature is taking its course. #

chumworth — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

The 12 year old was without her phone all day. So, if you noticed the AT&T network being quicker then normal today, you're welcome. #
Mitt Romney is giving his victory speech in Florida; I'm listening and doing my Archie-Bunker-pretending-to-hang-himself thing. #
Mitt Romney is now going to get Secret Service protection. Meanwhile, Newt Gingrich still has to hire his own Whopper taster. #
Me, leaving for work, hugging 9 year old: "Bye, sweetie. I love you." 9 year old to me: "Bye, Daddy. Love you. Your breath smells." #
Holy smoke – Yukon Cornelius died?! #

chumworth — Wed, 01 Feb 2012 05:00:00 +0000

The #Florida primary is underway and everything is normal; CNN is already projecting the winner to be George W. Bush. #
Q: Why doesn't Newt Gingrich like the Florida primary? A: Because it's not open. #

chumworth — Tue, 31 Jan 2012 05:00:00 +0000

Oof, no more drinking on Sunday nights for me. Last night, at one point, I turned on Downton Abbey. #
Screw it – I'm watching some TV. #

chumworth — Mon, 30 Jan 2012 05:00:00 +0000

I Am Sam, Forrest Gump and Rain Man are all on right now. This must mean something… #
I politely declined to purchase cookies from the Girl Scouts at the supermarket today. They flipped me off. #
If mouse traps were electric chairs, I'd be the governor of Texas. #
The 12 year old just made cookies and gave me a beater to lick. I'm now adjusting the split between the kids in will to 60-40 in her favor. #
I like my beer extra hoppy – like my women. #

chumworth — Sun, 29 Jan 2012 05:00:00 +0000

Back to painting the 9 year old's room. Hopefully I won't end up in traction this time. #
The 12 year old broke a juice glass. I said, "Daddy isn't mad – but it is coming out of your inheritance." #