Chumworth on the News » Late Show http://www.chumworth.com Real Headlines, Real Funny Sat, 31 Jul 2010 05:00:00 +0000 en hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.0 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/09/02/4176/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/09/02/4176/#comments Thu, 03 Sep 2009 00:13:52 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4176 Former New York Gov Eliot Spitzer is running for governor again.

He’s already doing some polling and I’m thinking, isn’t that what got him in trouble in the first place?

Download audio file (dave_090209.mp3)

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/09/02/4176/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/31/4163/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/31/4163/#comments Mon, 31 Aug 2009 22:30:17 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4163 Former President Bush’s daughter Jenna has been hired as a correspondent on the Today show.

They say Jenna will contribute about once a month – it’s the same schedule her old man had.

Download audio file (dave_083109.mp3)

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/31/4163/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/25/4142/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/25/4142/#comments Tue, 25 Aug 2009 22:17:49 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4142 Celebrity birthdays: Regis Philbin turns 78 today.

His family threw him a surprise party; what they did was they all jumped out from behind his money.

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]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/25/4142/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/20/4122/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/20/4122/#comments Thu, 20 Aug 2009 22:29:33 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4122 Are you excited about the Afghanistan election?

Don’t get too excited; there were reports of voting irregularities in Broward and Dade counties.

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Click here to see the video of Dave’s monologue.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/08/20/4122/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/29/4057/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/29/4057/#comments Thu, 30 Jul 2009 00:47:44 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4057 Tomorrow President Obama is going to have Henry Louis Gates and Sgt. James Crowley over to the White House for a beer.

I believe it’ll be the first kegger at the White House since the Bush twins lived there.

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You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/29/4057/feed/ 6 Don’t Look Now http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/23/4026/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/23/4026/#comments Thu, 23 Jul 2009 22:30:04 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4026 Earlier this week there was this total eclipse of the sun deal visible over there in China. Naturally, when I heard about it, my mind drifted to the obvious thing: using it as material for a late night talk show monologue joke!

But, of course, I’m an extra busy man these days, what with writing jokes for David Letterman and Jimmy Fallon, drawing my IT Underworld cartoon, going to the full time day job and, oh yeah, helping raise our two little bundles of joy. So, who has time to think up original material?

Not me!

So, my mind drifted back to a coupe of years ago – 2006 to be exact – when there was another solar eclipse (back when I had a little more free time). I remembered that Dave Letterman told a joke I wrote about that eclipse:

Earlier today there was a total eclipse of the sun. President Bush said the eclipse of the sun proves the unreliability of solar power.

Download audio file (dave_032906.mp3)

Well, I figured, Dave liked THAT joke so, you know, maybe – just maybe – if I took that joke and tweaked it a bit to be more up-to-date, then maybe Dave would use it again. So, I did just that; I swapped out George Bush for Rush Limbaugh, sent it in to the Late Show yesterday morning and…

(drum roll please)

VOILA!

Earlier today there was a solar eclipse of the sun in China. Rush Limbaugh said it just proves the unreliability of solar power.

Download audio file (dave_072209.mp3)

Heck – if you can’t steal from yourself, who can you steal from?

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/23/4026/feed/ 3 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/22/4019/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/22/4019/#comments Wed, 22 Jul 2009 22:12:08 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=4019 Earlier today there was a solar eclipse of the sun in China.

Rush Limbaugh said it just proves the unreliability of solar power.

Download audio file (dave_072209.mp3)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/22/4019/feed/ 0 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/15/3996/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/15/3996/#comments Wed, 15 Jul 2009 22:48:50 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=3996 The new Harry Potter movie opened today.

In this movie Harry faces the most evil threat yet: Dick Cheney and his secret CIA hit squad.

Download audio file (dave_071509.mp3)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/15/3996/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/09/3971/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/09/3971/#comments Thu, 09 Jul 2009 14:00:49 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=3971 Osama bin Laden’s first wife is writing a book.

In the book she describes their wedding; after they were married their friends tied tin cans to the back of their camel.

Download audio file (dave_070909.mp3)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/07/09/3971/feed/ 1 The LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN http://www.chumworth.com/2009/06/09/3897/ http://www.chumworth.com/2009/06/09/3897/#comments Tue, 09 Jun 2009 23:33:28 +0000 chumworth http://www.chumworth.com/?p=3897 Sarah Palin was in New York City yesterday.

She had a great time; she spent the day shooting rats from a helicopter.

Download audio file (dave_060909.mp3)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

]]> http://www.chumworth.com/2009/06/09/3897/feed/ 2