I don’t know about you, but for me it was a busy week, comedy writing-wise!
On Tuesday, I posted a new Schwilm cartoon, continuing the mock vice presidential debate that started here.
I’m publishing one new Schwilm comic per week. Tell your friends! If you don’t have any friends, tell your enemies!
On Wednesday (10/1/08), David Letterman told not just one but two of my jokes on the Late Show! Here there are:
Sarah Palin is training for tomorrow night’s vice presidential debate in Arizona.
You know you’re in trouble when your debate goal is to do as well as Dan Quayle.
Sarah Palin is training for tomorrow night’s vice presidential debate in Arizona.
She says it’s really helped her on foreign policy because in Arizone she can see Mexico.
You can watch the video of the entire monologue here.
Then came Thursday, featuring the long awaited, not-to-be-duplicated vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin! During the debate I was Twittering like crazy. Here are some highlights:
08:00 PM October 02, 2008 right about now joe biden is combing his hair plugs.
08:35 PM October 02, 2008 right about now, sarah palin is warming up her flute…
08:46 PM October 02, 2008 here’s the breakdown for tonight’s debate: 1/3 foreign policy, 1/3 economics and 1/3 skeet shooting.
09:04 PM October 02, 2008 i wonder if sarah palin is wearing underwear? hell, i wonder if joe biden is wearing underwear…
09:06 PM October 02, 2008 governor palin, you had me at “you betcha”.
09:22 PM October 02, 2008 i’d like to frisk sarah palin for a weapon.
09:48 PM October 02, 2008 SP said nuculer again. i think we all know that’s a bad sign…
09:58 PM October 02, 2008 palin “we’re building schools for children - no gay children, of course, though, you betcha.”
10:12 PM October 02, 2008 palin “teachers need to be paid more - well, not the gay ones.”
10:22 PM October 02, 2008 wonder if palin could humor us and actually pronounce a “g” at the end of a word. just once. either that or flash some cleavage.
10:30 PM October 02, 2008 palin “i like being able to answers these tough questions without answering these tough questions.”
10:31 PM October 02, 2008 sarah palin is scary as hell - and dreamy!
10:34 PM October 02, 2008 dang, i was hoping biden would pat palin on the ass on the way out.
If you’re on Twitter, be sure to follow me follow here. I’ll be commenting live during the last two presidential debates, so be sure to check it out!
Finally, on Friday, Dave Letterman closed out his monologue by telling another one of my jokes!
John McCain watched the debate and loved Sarah Palin’s performance.
As a matter of fact he applauded so much all of the lights in his house kept going on and off.
You can watch the video of the entire monologue here.
I love the Democratic National Convention! Four days of political speeches, video montages, and grown people in funny hats - really, what could be better than that? It’s an endless source of late night monologue joke material.
To wit: Dave Letterman used one of my DNC 08 jokes about Bill Clinton on last night’s Late Show (8/27/08):
Bill Clinton spoke earlier tonight at the Democratic National Convention.
The speech was a big success; he got four standing ovations and five phone numbers.
Of course, the DNC is really just a warm up for next week’s Republican National Convention. Hopefully, Dick Cheney will bring his gun and then the fun can really begin!
You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.
David Letterman and the Late Show are on another two-week summer hiatus this week and next which means I don’t have to spend every waking minute thinking about writing jokes. After all, they don’t write themselves - at least not all the time.
There’s nothing I like better (well, almost nothing) then getting a joke on air just before a long LS break; you know, ending on a good note, that sort of thing. Last week, then, was particularly good because Dave told two of my jokes at the end of the week!
First up, there was this little number that Dave told on the Thursday Late Show (8/7/08):
Brett Favre has approved a trade to the New York Jets.
The deal is pending a physical so he can have his head examined.
Faithful Chumworth readers will suspect that this joke sounds familiar - and indeed it does! That’s because it’s a formula that Dave and I (we’re a team, don’t ya know) have used before. Behold, in November 2005 he told this joke that I wrote:
Then, on Friday’s Late Show (lucky 8/8/08) he told this joke of mine:
The Olympics started today over in Beijing.
It’s two weeks of competition to see which country has the best pharmacists.
If you need me, I’ll be spending the next couple of weeks working on my farmer’s tan…
After selling no jokes for about a three month stretch, mainly due to the writers strike, things are picking up! Last week, Dave Letterman told three of my jokes, including one night where he told two. Lightening has struck again, as he told two more of my jokes on Wednesday’s Late Show (1/30/08).
John Edwards officially dropped out of the presidential race today.
He says he wants to spend more time with his haircut.
If you think your parents were horrible, remember, it could have been worse; they could have been international terrorists. One of Osama bin Laden’s kids, Omar, has recently been in the news, trying to promote - of all things - world peace! Well, this got me to thinking about what it must have been like having OBL as a dad. That led to a nice little joke that I wrote which Dave Letterman told to close out his monologue on Wednesday’s Late Show (1/23/08):
Osama bin Laden’s son Omar had a troubled childhood.
