I hope everybody had as nice a Thanksgiving as I did. I loaded up on gravy, mashed potatoes and pie – all of which has once again gone right to my hips. The holidays always wreak havoc on my figure.

Aside from the orgy of food, it was also a good week for comedy! I cranked out two more poorly drawn cartoons and David Letterman told two of my jokes on TV!

Let’s start with the jokes. First, Dave told this one on Monday’s Late Show (11/24/08):

Political insiders are now saying that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have formed a good working relationship but they don’t have a close personal relationship.

That’s right, Obama and Hillary have a good working relationship but not a close personal relationship – no, wait, I’m sorry, that’s Bill and Hillary.

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Then, he told this little throw-away line that I wrote on his Thanksgiving Day show (11/27/08):

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

Sarah Palin, Eliot Spitzer, John McCain, Amy Winehouse, Andy Dick…

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Following on this Thanksgiving theme, IT World published my latest IT Underworld cartoon:

Last and pretty much least, I closed out the Thanksgiving week by posting yet another Schwilm cartoon:

OK, enough with Thanksgiving! Time to get to work on Christmas and Hanukkah material…

Tags: Amy Winehouse, Andy Dick, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Christmas, David Letterman, Eliot Spitzer, Hillary Clinton, IT Underworld, IT World, John McCain, Late Show, Sarah Palin, schwilm, Thanksgiving

I don’t know about you, but for me it was a busy week, comedy writing-wise!

On Tuesday, I posted a new Schwilm cartoon, continuing the mock vice presidential debate that started here.

I’m publishing one new Schwilm comic per week. Tell your friends! If you don’t have any friends, tell your enemies!

On Wednesday (10/1/08), David Letterman told not just one but two of my jokes on the Late Show! Here there are:

Sarah Palin is training for tomorrow night’s vice presidential debate in Arizona.

You know you’re in trouble when your debate goal is to do as well as Dan Quayle.

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Sarah Palin is training for tomorrow night’s vice presidential debate in Arizona.

She says it’s really helped her on foreign policy because in Arizone she can see Mexico.

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You can watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Then came Thursday, featuring the long awaited, not-to-be-duplicated vice presidential debate between Joe Biden and Sarah Palin! During the debate I was Twittering like crazy. Here are some highlights:

08:00 PM October 02, 2008 right about now joe biden is combing his hair plugs.

10:34 PM October 02, 2008 dang, i was hoping biden would pat palin on the ass on the way out.

If you’re on Twitter, be sure to follow me follow here. I’ll be commenting live during the last two presidential debates, so be sure to check it out!

Finally, on Friday, Dave Letterman closed out his monologue by telling another one of my jokes!

John McCain watched the debate and loved Sarah Palin’s performance.

As a matter of fact he applauded so much all of the lights in his house kept going on and off.

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You can watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Whew!

Oh yeah, let’s not forget that Friday also featured O.J. Simpson getting sent to the hoosegow for a good long time!

Next week will have a hard time matching up…

Tags: clapper, Dan Quayle, David Letterman, Joe Biden, John McCain, Late Show, OJ Simpson, Sarah Palin, schwilm, Twitter

Ok, so, Saturday Night Live has made it loud and clear over the past five years that they have no need of my topical joke writing services. However, David Letterman still likes my stuff! So far this week, he’s used three of my jokes, including two on one show!

The first was on Monday’s Late Show (9/8/08):

The oldest gorilla in captivity died last week at the age of 55.

The oldest known gorilla not in captivity is 61 and is governor of California.

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Then came Tuesday’s show (9/9/08) in which he told the following two jokes of mine!

First was this one:

They’re saying now that when John McCain and Sarah Palin are together he will hug her, but he won’t kiss her.

It’s just like Bill and Hillary.

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Then he closed out the monologue with this one:

O.J. Simpson is on trial again, this time for robbery and kidnapping in Law Vegas.

He has a pretty good alibi; he says he couldn’t have done it because at the time of the robbery he was across town stabbing somebody.

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Thanks, Dave! You’re the wind beneath my wings!

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, David Letterman, gorillas, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Saturday Night Live

Based on her recent campaign ads, Hillary Clinton would have us all believe that if we elect her president she’ll be taking all sorts of calls in the middle of the night to ensure our safety, well being, and financial security.

Sounds good!

But, let’s face it, she’s not the only major presidential candidate left who would likely be getting up at all hours of the night should he or she be elected in November. For example, given his advanced age, it ain’t no stretch to imagine why John McCain would be getting up at 3:00am – and it has nothing to do with the phone. In fact, that was the topic of a joke I wrote for David Letterman that he told on Thursday’s Late Show.

Hillary Clinton has another campaign ad now showing her getting up at 3:00am to take an emergency phone call.

John McCain has his own ad about getting up at 3:00am, except in his ad he gets up to go to the bathroom.

Here’s the audio:

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You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

It’s funny cause it’s true.

Tags: Hillary Clinton, John McCain, urinate