Tags: Bill Clinton, cartoon, Hillary Clinton, Kim Jong Il, North Korea

I hope everybody had as nice a Thanksgiving as I did. I loaded up on gravy, mashed potatoes and pie – all of which has once again gone right to my hips. The holidays always wreak havoc on my figure.

Aside from the orgy of food, it was also a good week for comedy! I cranked out two more poorly drawn cartoons and David Letterman told two of my jokes on TV!

Let’s start with the jokes. First, Dave told this one on Monday’s Late Show (11/24/08):

Political insiders are now saying that Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton have formed a good working relationship but they don’t have a close personal relationship.

That’s right, Obama and Hillary have a good working relationship but not a close personal relationship – no, wait, I’m sorry, that’s Bill and Hillary.

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Then, he told this little throw-away line that I wrote on his Thanksgiving Day show (11/27/08):

I have a lot to be thankful for this year.

Sarah Palin, Eliot Spitzer, John McCain, Amy Winehouse, Andy Dick…

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Following on this Thanksgiving theme, IT World published my latest IT Underworld cartoon:

Last and pretty much least, I closed out the Thanksgiving week by posting yet another Schwilm cartoon:

OK, enough with Thanksgiving! Time to get to work on Christmas and Hanukkah material…

Tags: Amy Winehouse, Andy Dick, Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Christmas, David Letterman, Eliot Spitzer, Hillary Clinton, IT Underworld, IT World, John McCain, Late Show, Sarah Palin, schwilm, Thanksgiving

Ok, so, Saturday Night Live has made it loud and clear over the past five years that they have no need of my topical joke writing services. However, David Letterman still likes my stuff! So far this week, he’s used three of my jokes, including two on one show!

The first was on Monday’s Late Show (9/8/08):

The oldest gorilla in captivity died last week at the age of 55.

The oldest known gorilla not in captivity is 61 and is governor of California.

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Then came Tuesday’s show (9/9/08) in which he told the following two jokes of mine!

First was this one:

They’re saying now that when John McCain and Sarah Palin are together he will hug her, but he won’t kiss her.

It’s just like Bill and Hillary.

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Then he closed out the monologue with this one:

O.J. Simpson is on trial again, this time for robbery and kidnapping in Law Vegas.

He has a pretty good alibi; he says he couldn’t have done it because at the time of the robbery he was across town stabbing somebody.

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Thanks, Dave! You’re the wind beneath my wings!

Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Bill Clinton, David Letterman, gorillas, Hillary Clinton, John McCain, Sarah Palin, Saturday Night Live

After a hard fought primary battle Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now campaigning together! Reminds me of another famous political couple that fought like cats and dogs but, in the end, stuck together. If you don’t know who I mean, perhaps this joke that I wrote and David Letterman closed out his monologue with on Thursday’s Late Show (6/27/08) will clear it up:

Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now making campaign appearances together.

During the day they’re at campaign functions together and then at night they go to separate hotels – no wait, I’m sorry, that’s Hillary and Bill.

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You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Let’s just hope they don’t show up to a campaign event together in the same pants suit – that’d be awkward.

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, David Letterman, Hillary Clinton

Based on her recent campaign ads, Hillary Clinton would have us all believe that if we elect her president she’ll be taking all sorts of calls in the middle of the night to ensure our safety, well being, and financial security.

Sounds good!

But, let’s face it, she’s not the only major presidential candidate left who would likely be getting up at all hours of the night should he or she be elected in November. For example, given his advanced age, it ain’t no stretch to imagine why John McCain would be getting up at 3:00am – and it has nothing to do with the phone. In fact, that was the topic of a joke I wrote for David Letterman that he told on Thursday’s Late Show.

Hillary Clinton has another campaign ad now showing her getting up at 3:00am to take an emergency phone call.

John McCain has his own ad about getting up at 3:00am, except in his ad he gets up to go to the bathroom.

Here’s the audio:

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You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

It’s funny cause it’s true.

Tags: Hillary Clinton, John McCain, urinate

By this time I think we’ve all got a sense of the differences between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. She’s a woman, he’s a man; she’s white, he’s black; he wears pants suits, she wears … shorter pants suits. You get the idea.

But, aside from both being Democratic Senators, they’re also more alike than you realize. Here, I’ll let David Letterman explain how, using a joke I wrote for him that he told on Wednesday’s Late Show (3/19/08).

If you think about it, Hillary and Obama have a lot in common.

Both are lawyers, both are senators, and neither one is sleeping with Bill Clinton.

Here’s the audio:

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You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

I submitted this joke to the show back in late February. When Dave told it, it took me a second to remember that I had written it. I love when that happens…

Tags: Barack Obama, Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, pants suit

By now I’m sure you all know that Roger Clemens has gotten himself into a bit of hot water about this whole steroids thing. He and his former trainer Brian McNamee had a little he said/he said thing going at a recent congressional hearing on steroid use about whether Roger has used steroids and/or human growth hormone (HGH). Among the things they argued about was whether Roger attended a party in 1998 at the house of Roger’s former teammate and admitted juicer Jose Canseco.

What does all of this have to do with Hillary Clinton and her increasingly desperate struggle with Barack Obama, you ask? Isn’t it obvious? Mash it all together and you get a quality topical joke that I wrote and David Letterman told to open his monologue on last night’s Late Show (2/27/08).

Last night in Cleveland Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama had their last debate.

You can tell Hillary is getting desperate. At one point she accused Obama of attending a party at Jose Canseco’s house.

Click here to hear it live! (format: MP3, size: 217kb)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Don’t let the title of this post fool you – Hillary has never used steroids. I mean, I don’t think so… probably not… I guess… right?

Tags: Brian McNamee, HGH, Hillary Clinton, Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens, steroids

Like the late rounds of a classic heavyweight title fight, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are really slugging it out. Fists are flying, blood is flowing, low blows are being landed – I love it all! You can’t make up this kind of entertainment.

No, you can’t make up this kind of entertainment, but you can sure make fun of it, which is what we like to do at Cup O Politics.

This week our good buddy and very talented musician and writer Dave Wildman whipped up not one but two little diddies about HRC vs. BHO and my COP partner Steve Garfield created some great videos to go with them.

Check these out!

Obama and Clinton: Breaking Us In Two

Hillary Clinton: Desperado – Come to your senses

If you like it, be sure to spread the word! Also, you can now leave video comments on both Cup O Politics and right here on Chumworth.com!

Tags: Barack Obama, Cup O Politics, Dave Wildman, desperado, Hillary Clinton