David Letterman and the Late Show are on another two-week summer hiatus this week and next which means I don’t have to spend every waking minute thinking about writing jokes. After all, they don’t write themselves - at least not all the time.
There’s nothing I like better (well, almost nothing) then getting a joke on air just before a long LS break; you know, ending on a good note, that sort of thing. Last week, then, was particularly good because Dave told two of my jokes at the end of the week!
First up, there was this little number that Dave told on the Thursday Late Show (8/7/08):
Brett Favre has approved a trade to the New York Jets.
The deal is pending a physical so he can have his head examined.
Faithful Chumworth readers will suspect that this joke sounds familiar - and indeed it does! That’s because it’s a formula that Dave and I (we’re a team, don’t ya know) have used before. Behold, in November 2005 he told this joke that I wrote:
Then, on Friday’s Late Show (lucky 8/8/08) he told this joke of mine:
The Olympics started today over in Beijing.
It’s two weeks of competition to see which country has the best pharmacists.
If you need me, I’ll be spending the next couple of weeks working on my farmer’s tan…
After a hard fought primary battle Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now campaigning together! Reminds me of another famous political couple that fought like cats and dogs but, in the end, stuck together. If you don’t know who I mean, perhaps this joke that I wrote and David Letterman closed out his monologue with on Thursday’s Late Show (6/27/08) will clear it up:
Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama are now making campaign appearances together.
During the day they’re at campaign functions together and then at night they go to separate hotels - no wait, I’m sorry, that’s Hillary and Bill.
You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.
Let’s just hope they don’t show up to a campaign event together in the same pants suit - that’d be awkward.
Five years ago today - June 25, 2003 - was a Wednesday. Just another work day. Another day in paradise for me. At the end of the day I drove home and was greeted in the driveway by Mrs. Chumworth and our two bundles of joy.
Before I got out of the car she said “Do you have something to tell me?”
I, in my normal post-work-commute bleary-eyed-haze, said “Um, no. Do I?”
Mrs. C: “There’s a phone message for you from the Letterman show. They want you to start submitting jokes or something.”
What?!
See, I had spent the previous three years submitting monologue jokes to The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, freelance. I’d send in two or three jokes a day by fax. Every (long) once in a while he’d tell one on air and then I’d get a check from his production company, Big Dog Productions. I didn’t take it all too seriously.
One night in bed I was reading Sports Illustrated and saw a column by Bill Scheft. At the time he wrote a regular column for SI called The Show - but he was also David Letterman’s long time lead monologue joke writer. Since I had grown up watching - and idolizing - David Letterman on NBC’s Late Night, and since I was now writing jokes in a semi-professional manner, I figured why not send Bill Scheft some of my material? Couldn’t hurt.
So I printed out 20 pages (literally) of topical jokes I’d recently written and mailed them to Bill care of the Late Show. Like most writing submissions it felt like - and was - a real long shot. Odds are I’d never hear anything back, so I figured.
The odds seemed so long, in fact, that I had neglected to even mention sending the package to my wife. What was the point, really?
But then came that fine June day in 2003. And that unforgettable look on my wife’s face. And that amazing voice mail from Bill Scheft.
The gist of Bill’s message was that he had received my package and he liked my jokes. In fact, he had liked my jokes so much he had chosen one to present to Dave and Dave had told it on that night’s show which they had just taped! Oh yeah, and he would like me to begin submitting jokes to the show on a regular basis.
It took several listens before the whole message sank in.
I stayed up that night past my bedtime to watch Dave tell the following joke, which I wrote!
In an effort to curb the spread of monkeypox the U.S. government banned the sale of prairie dogs
I hope this doesn’t affect the price of a Whopper.
Here’s the audio of Dave telling it:
Words absolutely cannot describe the feeling of hearing Dave tell that joke, knowing the words that would come out of his mouth before he said each one. Seeing one of my all-time comedy heroes say something that I’d written was one of the most exciting moments of my life.
Since then I’ve submitted jokes to the show just about every day that they’ve taped. Dave has told more than 100 of my jokes now and it still never gets old hearing him tell one of mine.
Dave is still the king of late night, in my book.
You can see and hear the jokes that I’ve written for Dave (and also my Leno jokes) right here.
Oh yeah, and a big thanks and smooch to Mrs. Chumworth for putting up with all of my joke writing (and other) shenanigans all these years…
I had the distinct honor of being interviewed live on-air by Boston radio legend Matt Siegel earlier today. We talked about the writers stirke, writing for David Letterman and Cup O Politics! A good time was had by all.
Since I write jokes for David Letterman, everybody’s been asking how the writers strike has affected me. Well, forget about me - I’m wondering how the strike is affecting the presidential candidates. No doubt, you are too.
Luckily, Steve Garfield and I took a look at that issue in this week’s episode of Cup O Politics. Take a peek for yourself.
