LATE NIGHT with JIMMY FALLON

chumworth — Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:16:36 +0000

Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced.

Apparently she caught him injecting another woman.

You can also watch the video of the entire show here.

Twittering Like a Pirate

chumworth — Wed, 24 Sep 2008 00:10:01 +0000

For those who don’t already know, I really enjoy Twitter. I’ve been using it for about a year and a half and have made some interesting new acquaintances there. Mostly, I like using it as one big comedy writing exercise. I try to see if I can write something funny in 140 or characters or less. I leave it up to my followers to decide whether I actually do that or not.

Anyway, this past Friday was Talk Like a Pirate Day, where some strange people decided decided they wanted to designate one day a year to talk like a, well, pirate, as in the swashbuckling, Johnny Depp-variety. Now, this sort of thing isn’t really my cup of tea. However, last year I decided to take some creative liberties with the idea and, using Twitter, talk like my preferred type of pirate – a Pittsburgh Pirate.

Last year I was famous Pirates reliever Kent Tekulve. This year, I went a little more mainstream and went with Barry Bonds, circa 1990 (i.e. during his Pirate days).

in honor of talk like a pirate day, i’ll talk like barry bonds circa 1990. my body is my temple.

the other day i saw bobby bonilla using jock itch cream. he’s nuts! i would never put anything artificial on or in my body.

people always ask me what’s the key to my speed in the outfield and on the basepaths? the answer: my small head! may it ever be so.

boy, that jose canseco sure can mash the ball. i wish i knew what his secret was…

sid bream has breath that could melt paint. nasty.

looks like we’ll make the playoffs this year and i’ll get to show what i can do in big games. don’t worry pittsburgh – i won’t let you down!

my testicles are WAY too big. i wish there was something i could take that would shrink them while increasing my power to all fields.

in 83 i played in alaska. bagged a beauty queen named sarah. said she was gonna be gov or vice prez some day. dumb as a post – but hot!

one thing’s for sure – the future of baseball in pittsburgh is extremely bright!

hi. i’m the 1990 barry bonds. someday, after my heads swells due to steroid use my favorite comic strip will be http://www.Schwilm.com

i’m not sure what’s scarier: facing rob dibble’s fastball or seeing jim leyland naked in the shower.

Reaction was good! Some people liked it, so I think I’ll do it again next year. I’m already thinking I’ll talk like Manny Sanguillen.

Chumworth on the News » Barry Bonds

LATE NIGHT with JIMMY FALLON

Twittering Like a Pirate