Jimmy Fallon

I wrote jokes for Late Night with Jimmy Fallon for a short time during the first year of the show in 2009.

These are the jokes that I wrote that Jimmy told on air.

Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced. Apparently she caught him injecting another woman.

Air date: June 11, 2009

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Vice President Joe Biden was in New York City yesterday and he bought a suit at Barney’s.<strong>It cost $2,400 and it’s high quality material – made from the same fabric as his hair.

Air date: June 3, 2009

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General Motors filed for bankruptcy on Monday. Experts say GM will emerge from bankruptcy in 3 three years or 36,000 miles, whichever comes first.

Air date: June 1, 2009

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Harrison Ford and Calista Flockhart got engaged. He surprised her by getting down on one knee, popping the question and slipping a diamond ring around her waist.

Air date: May 13, 2009

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Happy Earth Day! Every Earth Day as a kid I used to wake up, run downstairs and see what Al Gore brought us.

Air date: April 22, 2009

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Bill Clinton and George W. Bush will appear together on stage in Toronto for a two-hour friendly debate. Each side got to pick a topic, so the first hour will be centered on the international banking crisis, the second hour will be dedicated to NASCAR trivia.

Air date: April 21, 2009

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Police in Nigeria have arrested a one hundred fourteen-year-old man after discovering more than one hundred bags of marijuana behind his house. The good news is he’s only looking at a few months in jail. The bad news is that’s a life sentence.

Air date: March 23, 2009

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