Chumworth Jokes Submitted to the Late Show
From
July 2003 until
October 2009 I wrote and submitted monologue jokes to the
LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN.
I wrote and submitted about
10 jokes for each show they taped, the vast majority of which were not used.
But a couple of times each month (sometimes more, sometimes less) Dave would use one on air and I would get
paid for it!
Dave is one of my top two
all-time comedy heroes, so it was an honor and a privilege to hear him tell a joke I wrote. Every single time. It
never, ever got old.
This section displays
all of the jokes I submitted over the years, in all their glory (such as it is).
Use the
archive links at the lower left to jump to a specific month, or the
search box to look for jokes on a certain topic.
Jokes highlighted in
bold were
used on air (sometimes after further modification), though I don't remember when I started using this convention.
You can see all of my jokes that were used on air by Dave (as well as those told by
Jay and
Carson and
Jimmy) on my
Late Night Jokes page.
Enjoy!
November 1, 2007.
Halloween was last night.
Earlier today I did what I do every year on the day after Halloween – I put all of my left-over candy up for sale on eBay.
Everybody here in New York City was in the Halloween spirit last night.
Over at Madison Square Garden the Knicks put on a real horror show.
Everybody here in New York City was in the Halloween spirit last night.
Earlier today Jason Giambi tested positive for nougat.
Last night for Halloween I wanted to scare all of the kids that came by my house.
So, on my porch I set up a TV playing “An Inconvenient Truth.”
New Jersey has lifted their ban on squirrel meat.
That’s good news because squirrel meat is New Jersey’s number one export.
Congratulations to Jennifer Lopez who’s going to have a baby.
You know what that means – she’s having a really big ass for two now.
Congratulations to Jennifer Lopez who’s going to have a baby.
Over at Madame Tussauds they’re busy taking wax from J Lo’s ass and putting it around her waist.
Congratulations to Jennifer Lopez who’s going to have a baby.
If you want to get a gift she’s registered at Bed, Bath and Booty.
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