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Chumworth Jokes Submitted to the Late Show

From July 2003 until October 2009 I wrote and submitted monologue jokes to the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN. I wrote and submitted about 10 jokes for each show they taped, the vast majority of which were not used. But a couple of times each month (sometimes more, sometimes less) Dave would use one on air and I would get paid for it!

Dave is one of my top two all-time comedy heroes, so it was an honor and a privilege to hear him tell a joke I wrote. Every single time. It never, ever got old.

This section displays all of the jokes I submitted over the years, in all their glory (such as it is). Use the archive links at the lower left to jump to a specific month, or the search box to look for jokes on a certain topic.

Jokes highlighted in bold were used on air (sometimes after further modification), though I don't remember when I started using this convention. You can see all of my jokes that were used on air by Dave (as well as those told by Jay and Carson and Jimmy) on my Late Night Jokes page.

Enjoy!
July 27, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 9:46 am UTC

There were more record high temperatures across the country today.

It was so hot today that President Bush met with the prime minister of hell.


There were more record high temperatures across the country today.

People in California haven’t been sweating this much since O.J. was released.


There were more record high temperatures across the country today.

It was so hot today that Alex Rodriguez was glad his bat was ice cold.


There were more record high temperatures across the country today.

It’s been so hot that I’ve been sleeping in the nude – at least until they kick me off the subway.


I have a sure-fire way to beat the heat on days like today.

I take a frozen cabbage leaf and I put it right under my hairpiece.


There’s a new video out from Al Qaeda’s number two guy, Ayman al-Zawahiri.

In the video he said Al Qaeda wouldn’t stop fighting until Islam reigns or until we see Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes’s baby.


There’s a new video out from Al Qaeda’s number two guy, Ayman al-Zawahiri.

This guy is in so many Al Qaeda videos al-Zawahiri must be Arabic for “Regis.”


Former President Clinton is campaigning for Senator Joe Lieberman.

Clinton is really campaigning hard – he’s kissing lots of babies and fat chicks.


Former President Clinton is campaigning for Senator Joe Lieberman.

It was such a last minute thing that Bill had to borrow a few pant suits from Hillary.


Prince and his wife announced this week that they’re getting divorced.

So, I guess from now on he’ll be known as The Artist Formerly Known as Rich.


Celebrity birthdays: Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees turns 31 today.

His friends threw him a party, but he dropped it.


Over at Madame Tussauds Wax Museum they have a wax figure of Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s new baby Shiloh.

Shiloh is actually at the end of a whole exhibit on Angelina Jolie called “The Hall of Broken Marriages.”


Lance Bass of ‘N Sync announced this week that he’s gay.

File that one under “Duh.”


George Michael said this week that he and his gay lover are getting married.

They’ve already picked out their honeymoon spot: the bushes in Hyde Park.

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July 26, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:12 am UTC

It was really hot again today.

It was so hot today that President Bush sent Condoleeza Rice to meet with the sun.


It was really hot again today.

It was so hot today that over at St. Patrick’s the nuns were all wearing belly habits.


Earlier today in Washington the Iraqi Prime Minister Nuri al-Maliki addressed a joint session of Congress.

It’s a big trip for him. Tomorrow he’ll be auditioning for a job on The View.


Saddam Hussein said today that he would prefer to be executed by firing squad.

He said his first choice was death by firing squad and his second choice was death by chocolate.


Former President Clinton has been campaigning for Senator Joe Leiberman.

It’s already paying off for Leiberman: he’s up 20 points among chubby interns.


Alex Rodriguez of the Yankees is playing poorly lately.

I’m happy about that because it means I’m no longer the most overpaid guy in New York.


Celebrity birthdays: Mick Jagger celebrated his birthday today.

He had 63 candles on his cake – one for each of his children.


George Michael and his lover have called off their gay wedding.

Good thing I saved the receipt for those “His and His” towels I bought for them.


Last week in London George Michael was caught having sex with a middle-aged homeless guy in a public park.

Even Michael Jackson thought that was creepy.


Last week in London George Michael was caught having sex with a middle-aged white guy in a public park.

I’m thinking, if he likes middle-aged white guys, why doesn’t he just call Michael Jackson?


Police in France stopped an attempt by a group of people to roll the world’s largest joint.

President Bush said this proves we’re winning the war against Cheech and Chong.


Police in France stopped an attempt by a group of people to roll the world’s largest joint.

Everybody in the group pleaded “totally not guilty.”

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July 25, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:23 am UTC

Down in Washington today President Bush met with Iraqi Prime Minister Nouri al-Maliki.

The Iraqi Prime Minister gave President Bush an update on the situation in Iraq and President Bush gave him a back rub.


Over in Iraq they’ve put a feeding tube in Saddam Hussein because he’s on a hunger strike.

His doctors say it’s touch and go whether he’ll live long enough for us to execute him.


North Korean leader Kim Jong Il has a new wife.

Apparently he’s got a secret wife that he lives with but nobody’s ever seen – no, I’m sorry, that’s me.


Former President Clinton recently made a campaign speech for Senator Joe Leiberman.

The speech was big success – Bill got five new phone numbers.


People are now saying that Hillary Clinton is trying to look more presidential for 2008.

So far she’s got a new hairstyle, new makeup and she’s started wearing Bill’s old pant suits.


Congratulations to Miss Puerto Rico Zuleyka Rivera Mendoza who was crowned Miss Universe on Sunday night.

She did really well in the talent portion of the competition – she stripped a car in under two minutes.


After she was crowned on Sunday the new Miss Universe collapsed and fainted.

Luckily there were about 200 doctors in the house who rushed to give her mouth-to-mouth.


Al Gore said this week that his family has adopted a carbon neutral lifestyle.

And if anybody can make a carbon neutral lifestyle sound sexy, it’s Al Gore.


Al Gore said this week that his family has adopted a carbon neutral lifestyle.

He said it goes along well with his personality free lifestyle.


Richard Hatch, the gay guy who won the first season of “Survivor” was sentenced this week for not paying his taxes.

The bad news is he has to go to jail for 51 months. The good news is he has to go to jail for 51 months.

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July 24, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 10:37 am UTC

MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Barry Bonds turns 42 today.

42 years old and he’s still hitting home runs. Gee, I wonder what his secret is?


MONDAY: Congratulations to Floyd Landis for winning the Tour de France yesterday.

Here’s what got for winning in Paris yesterday: the yellow jersey, title of Tour de France champion, and a congratulatory phone call from the chancellor of Germany.


MONDAY: Congratulations to Floyd Landis for winning the Tour de France yesterday.

When he gets home he’ll be going to the White House to meet President Bush and get a congratulatory back rub.


MONDAY: Parts of New York City have been without power for almost a week.

I believe it’s the biggest blackout in New York since the Republican National Convention.


MONDAY: Parts of New York City have been without power for almost a week.

The whole time the power’s been out people have been angry, unfriendly and violent. In other words it’s like the power never went out.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Monica Lewinsky turned 33 yesterday.

Her friends and family got her a big cake so she got down on her knees and blew out the candles.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Jennifer Lopez turns 37 today.

She had a small party attended by only a few family and friends – just like her movies.


MONDAY: Out in California they’re having record high temperatures this week.

It’s so hot in California Barry Bonds was injecting ice coffee.


MONDAY: Out in California they’re having record high temperatures this week.

It’s so hot in California that the grand jury investigating Barry Bonds has indicted Al Roker.


FRIDAY: The Miami Vice movie opened today.

I just hope it’s as tasteful and well done as the original show.


FRIDAY: The Miami Vice movie opened today.

I knew my wardrobe would eventually come back in style!


FRIDAY: In the new Miami Vice movie Crockett and Tubbs are a little older now.

They spend most of the movie busting up illegal shuffleboard games.


FRIDAY: In the new Miami Vice movie Crockett and Tubbs are a little older now.

They spend most of the movie busting up illegal Lipitor rings.


FRIDAY: NFL teams around the country opened training camp this week.

Not only that but the Jets have opened their training camp too.


FRIDAY: NFL teams around the country opened training camp this week.

The Jets are already in training camp working hard on their blame game.


North Korean leader Kim Jong Il reportedly has a secret wife.

Apparently she was attracted to his really big missile.


North Korean leader Kim Jong Il is reportedly has a secret wife.

Apparently he didn’t like being single so he found a wife – boy, he really is crazy.


Over in Iraq Saddam Hussein was taken to a hospital over the weekend because he’s on a hunger strike.

After going to the hospital and seeing the new system of healthcare in Iraq he said “Death to HMOs!”


Over in Iraq Saddam Hussein was taken to a hospital over the weekend because he’s on a hunger strike.

After seeing the hospital food he recommitted himself to the hunger strike.


Last week the rock group Steely Dan accused the makers of “You, Me, and Dupree” of stealing the idea of the film from one of their songs.

Today they actually saw the movie and said “On second thought, it wasn’t our idea.”


The governor of Arkansas has pardoned Keith Richards for a reckless driving charge from 31 years ago.

In response today Keith said he was happy – either that or something about liking pie.


Las Vegas has made it illegal to feed homeless people in city parks.

Apparently the city parks were becoming overcrowded with all-you-can-eat buffets.

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July 20, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 10:24 am UTC

I’m Dave Letterman and I have an announcement to make: Regis and I are not gay.


Earlier today President Bush gave a speech to the NAACP annual convention.

People in attendance said it was a stirring, heartfelt, expletive-laden speech.


Earlier today President Bush gave a speech to the NAACP annual convention.

He said he was excited to be there because he’s always been a big fan of college sports.


Over in the Middle East the U.S. military is evacuating Americans from Lebanon.

Earlier today President Bush announced that when they’re done there they’ll start evacuating people from The View.


Over in the Middle East the U.S. is evacuating Americans from Lebanon using cruise ships.

The evacuation started a little later than planned because it took some time to get all of the entertainment lined up.


New York City has been ranked as the most expensive place to park in the country.

Here’s how expensive it is to park in Manhattan: last night I parked for five minutes and the parking cost me twice as much as the sex.


It was 37 years ago today that a man first landed on the moon.

It was also 37 years ago today that a man first landed on Elton John.


Paris Hilton says she’s giving up sex for a whole year.

I’m thinking, hell, I’ve gone longer than that without having sex and you don’t see me announcing it to the world.


CBS is going to start putting advertisements for some of its shows on eggs.

They’re not going to put ads for this show on eggs. Instead they’re going to put my picture on thousands of horses’ asses.


Marriott announced this week that they’re going to make all of their hotels non-smoking.

That’s pretty inconvenient because now I’ll have to go outside every time I’m done watching hotel porn.

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July 19, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:28 am UTC

We’re in the middle of a heat wave here in New York City.

It was hot today that Al Gore made a movie about global sweating.


We’re in the middle of a heat wave here in New York City.

The public pools have been so crowded during the heat wave that lifeguards are asking people to take turns urinating in the pool.


It’s been so hot here in New York City that we’ve had sporadic power outages.

Earlier today after the Central Park Zoo lost power they sent all the penguins to stay here.


Earlier today President Bush vetoed a bill expanding stem cell research.

He said he hoped vetoing this bill would help to cut that s**t out.


Yesterday the House of Representatives rejected a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

So, a gay marriage ban is dead, but they’re still debating banning “Dancing with the Stars.”


Yesterday the House of Representatives rejected a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

The official count was 187 “Yays” and 236 “Nay Nay Nays” (finger wag).


Congress is now considering a bill to get rid of the penny.

I don’t want to get rid of pennies. If we did, how I would ever leave a tip?


The New York Times announced this week that they’re going to narrow the width of the paper by 1 1/2 inches starting in 2008.

So, starting in 2008 they’ll be publishing “All The News That’s Fit to Pri.”


Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock announced that they’re getting married next week.

Well, we know there’ll be at least one lousy singer at the reception.


Pamela Anderson and Kid Rock announced that they’re getting married next week on a yacht.

Pam will not only be the bride but she’ll also serve as an emergency flotation device.

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July 18, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:12 am UTC

Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that Christie Brinkley’s husband seduced a girl from the Ice Capades.


Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that over at St. Patrick’s they were putting ice cubes in the baptismal font.


Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that over at St. Patrick’s the nuns were dipping their feet in the baptismal font.


Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that the Statue of Liberty was sitting down with her feet in the harbor.


The U.S. government has sent a cruise ship to rescue Americans stranded in Beirut.

Evacuees are being giving clothing, shelter and seven square meals a day.


Yesterday at the G8 summit President Bush was caught on camera swearing about the situation in the Middle East.

I believe he’s the first president to be caught talking dirty since Bill Clinton.


Yesterday at the G8 summit President Bush was caught on camera swearing about the situation in the Middle East.

That’s surprising – President Bush knows about the situation in the Middle East?


Yesterday Mayor Bloomberg announced his new plan to reduce homelessness.

Here’s the key to his plan: it’s now a ticketable offense to blow up your house.


Robert Brooks, the chairman of Hooters, died this week at the age of 69.

He died of natural causes – extreme happiness.


Oprah Winfrey strongly denied this week that she’s gay.

Oh yeah? Well, that’s not what you told me, Oprah!

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July 17, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 8:22 am UTC

MONDAY: President Bush is back from the G8 summit in Russia.

The summit went well – he didn’t start any new wars.


MONDAY: President Bush is back from Russia for the Group of Eight summit.

Next up: the Week of Five vacation.


MONDAY: Now that President Bush is back from the G8 summit he says he’s got a number of big issues to tackle.

There’s the fighting in the Mid East, the North Korea situation and those pirates in the Caribbean.


MONDAY: The space shuttle landed safely today after a 13-day mission.

Now that they’ve brought the shuttle back to earth, NASA is going to see what they can do about Tom Cruise.


MONDAY: Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that people are blowing up their houses just to generate a breeze.


MONDAY: Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot today that I paid to hooker to blow on me.


MONDAY: Here in New York City we’re in the middle of a heat wave.

It was so hot the hookers were offering their heat wave special: for an extra $10 they’ll give you a slurpee.


MONDAY: Because of the extreme heat here in New York City officials are recommending that the elderly refrain from going outside.

So, more bad news for the Yankees pitching staff.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Disneyland opened on this day in 1955.

So for the last 51 years Donald Duck has been running around with no pants, which is longer than anybody except Ted Kennedy.


MONDAY: Out in California Barry Bonds’s lawyers say they’re already preparing his defense in case he’s indicted for perjury.

They have a sure fire plan to get him off – they told him to go murder somebody immediately.


Over in the Middle East there’s been heavy fighting between Israel and Hezbollah.

Here’s how crazy it’s gotten: today a travel advisory for the region was issued by Al Qaeda.


Over in the Middle East there’s been heavy fighting between Israel and Hezbollah.

Officials say they haven’t seen fighting this viscious Star Jones left The View.


Over in the Middle East there’s been heavy fighting between Israel and Hezbollah.

This is the kind of thing that could really hurt the Mid East tourist business.


Over in the Middle East Israel has been attacking military targets in Lebanon.

Maybe I’m being overly cautious, but I’m thinking about canceling my annual summer vacation to Beirut.


President Bush said he would do what he could to stop the fighting between Israel and Hezbollah.

You know things are bad when George Bush is a peacemaker.


Dick Cheney is being sued by Valerie Plame for leaking her identity as a CIA agent.

He’s already assembled a large team of highly paid experts to help him out – and those are just his doctors.


The government announced this week that the first half of 2006 was the warmest ever for the United States.

President Bush says he’s going to do whatever it takes to prevent any more global warming movies by Al Gore.


A civil jury has awarded one of Michael Jackson’s former advisers $900,000 in a lawsuit.

Michael was found be negligent and extremely creepy.


Entertainment Weekly has released its list of top sidekicks of all time.

Ed McMahon was the number sidekick, followed by Batman’s sidekick Robin and George W. Bush.


Entertainment Weekly has released its list of top sidekicks of all time.

The good news is our own Paul Schaffer made the list. The bad news is he was ranked ahead of me.


Britney Spears says that she can’t wait to perform again.

Well, that makes one.

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July 13, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 10:43 am UTC

President Bush is in Germany today meeting with German Chancellor Angela Merkel.

He’ll only be in Germany for two days – just like the U.S. soccer team.


This weekend President Bush will be in Russia for the G8 summit.

The G8 is a group of eight industrialized nations. Can you name them? That’s OK, neither can George Bush.


New papers about Albert Einstein’s love life have been released.

Here’s what we’ve learned about Einstein’s love life: he had two wives, 10 girlfriends and one chubby intern.


The U.S. Army is discontinuing its contract with Halliburton.

In a related matter, Dick Cheney was rushed to the hospital with chest pains.


The U.S. Army is discontinuing its contract with Halliburton.

So now the only Halliburton employee left on the government payroll will be Dick Cheney.


Officials in Iraq say that Saddam Hussein is on a hunger strike.

I’m not sure how serious he is about it, though. All he’s doing is cutting out the carbs.


An 83-year-old in South Dakota became the oldest man to play professional baseball when he batted in a minor league game this week.

He did so well that earlier today the Yankees picked him up for two prospects and a player to be named later.


An 83-year-old in South Dakota became the oldest man to play professional baseball when he batted in a minor league game this week.

The bad news is after the game he tested positive for Lipitor.


An 83-year-old in South Dakota became the oldest man to play professional baseball when he batted in a minor league game this week.

That’s amazing – somebody lives in South Dakota?


Yesterday a tornado touched down just north of Manhattan.

It was so windy yesterday that during my lunch break I saw a squirrel in Central Park holding onto his nuts.


Yesterday a tornado touched down just north of Manhattan.

Nobody was injured, but it took a team of people several hours to fix Donald trump’s hair.

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July 12, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:18 am UTC

It was really hot and muggy here in New York City today.

It was so hot that earlier today I saw Ken Lay walking down the street.


It was really hot and muggy here in New York City today.

It was so hot that the Statue of Liberty was wearing a mini-skirt.


Last night on FOX they had the All-Star Game.

FOX had so many cameras at the game it felt like I was right there for each urine test.


Last night in Pittsburgh the American League won the All-Star Game.

After all those weeks of watching the World Cup it was nice to watch America’s national pastime again: Juiced-Up-Freak-Ball.


Last night in Pittsburgh the American League won the All-Star Game.

After all those weeks of watching guys from other countries playing soccer it was nice for a change to watch all those guys from other countries playing baseball.


Congratulations to Russell Crowe and his wife who gave birth to their second child last week.

They say the boy really takes after his dad. Right after he was born the doctor slapped him and the kid slapped him back.


Yesterday the Senate passed a bill to let Americans import prescription drugs from Canada.

That’s good news for me. Now I’ll be able to get my Lipitor without hiring a drug mule.


Syd Barrett, one of the founders of Pink Floyd, died last week at the age of 60.

Today President Bush said this proves we’re winning the war against acid rock.


Earlier today up on the space shuttle the astronauts did a spacewalk to test whether they can repair heat shields using a caulk gun.

It took two guys six hours to apply caulking to 12 tiles. I believe it was the same two guys who redid my bathroom.


Earlier today up on the space shuttle the astronauts did a spacewalk to test whether they can repair heat shields using a caulk gun.

Those astronauts are real professionals. They applied to caulking to 12 damaged tiles and the then took a two hour coffee break.


MySpace.com is now the most visited web site in the U.S.

I go on MySpace all the time. My screen name is OldestDad123.

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July 11, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 11:05 am UTC

Yesterday Mayor Bloomberg announced New York City’s bird flu pandemic emergency plan.

I can sum it up in one word: Superman.


Earlier tonight in Pittsburgh they had the All-Star Game.

I love all of the All-Star events: the Futures Game, the Home Run Derby, and the Parade of the Juiced Up Freaks.


Earlier tonight in Pittsburgh they had the All-Star Game.

So, finally, the people of Pittsburgh got to see some major league baseball.


Earlier tonight in Pittsburgh they had the All-Star Game.

I thought the nicest part was when Barry Bonds tipped his needle to the crowd.


Congratulations to Ryan Howard of the Phillies who won the Home Run Derby last night.

Here’s what he won: a trophy, title of Home Run Derby champion, and a grand jury investigation.


They changed the rules of the Home Run Derby this year.

The object was to hit as may home runs as you could over Barry Bonds’s head.


It was on this day in 1804 that Vice President Aaron Burr shot and killed Alexander Hamilton in a duel.

Those were the days, back when vice presidents shot people for good reasons.


President Bush is reportedly working on his memoirs.

It’s going pretty slow; he’s having trouble spelling “memoirs.”


A 62-year-old woman in Britain gave birth last week.

It was a natural birth – the only drug involved was Viagra.


Keith Richards rejoined the Rolling Stones on stage tonight for the first time since undergoing brain surgery.

He said he was excited to be back on stage again last night making a complete ass of himself.


Keith Richards rejoined the Rolling Stones on stage tonight for the first time since undergoing brain surgery.

So, once again I’m no longer the oldest fool on stage.

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July 10, 2006.
  Web Posted at: 10:22 am UTC

MONDAY: Yesterday in Germany Italy beat France to win the World Cup.

The big play of the game came in the 110th minute when France’s Zinedine Zidane got a red card and – ahh, who cares?


MONDAY: Former President Clinton was at the World Cup final in Berlin yesterday.

He was one of the 70,000 people in Olympic Stadium. I believe it’s the biggest thing he’s been in since Monica.


MONDAY: Former President Clinton was at the World Cup final in Berlin yesterday.

Well, that’s not surprising since he’s always enjoyed big things.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: President Bush turned 60 last week.

The good news is his doctor says he’s healthy enough to finish his term. The bad news is his doctor says he’s healthy enough to finish his term.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: President Bush turned 60 last week.

Here’s how he spent the day: he slept in, he took it easy, and he didn’t do any work. In other words it was just like any other work day.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: President Bush turned 60 last week.

He received birthday wishes from a number of other world leaders like the president of China, the prime minister of Canada and Osama bin Laden.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: O.J. Simpson turned 59 yesterday.

He celebrated with the family members he hasn’t killed.


MONDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Jessica Simpson turns 26 today.

Nicka Lachey was at her birthday dinner – she even made sure to leave him a nice tip.


MONDAY: Last week North Korea test fired several long range missiles.

In response President Bush has deployed to the Sea of Japan a missile destroyer and Superman.


MONDAY: Last week North Korea test fired several long range missiles.

I believe that Kim Jong Il is the first world leader to get into trouble for shooting off his missile since Bill Clinton.


MONDAY: Last week North Korea test fired several long range missiles.

I believe that makes Kim Jong Il the most dangerous world leader other than Dick Cheney.


Out in Utah this week a Southwest Airlines co-pilot was arrested for being under the influence of alcohol.

Passengers became suspicious when he performed a pre-flight check of the drink cart.


It was really hot and muggy here in New York City today.

It was so hot that earlier today out on 53rd Street Superman used his super strength to bust open some fire hydrants.


It was really hot and muggy here in New York City today.

It was so hot that earlier today I saw Superman flying with nothing on but his cape.


The FBI has discovered a terrorist plot to bomb the Holland Tunnel.

The plan was apparently called off when they couldn’t raise money to pay the tolls.


The FBI has discovered a terrorist plot to bomb the Holland Tunnel.

The plan was to blow up the tunnel using suicide rats.


The FBI has discovered a terrorist plot to bomb the tunnels between Manhattan and New Jersey.

The attack would have completely shut off access to Manhattan from New Jersey and I’m thinking that doesn’t sound so bad.


Don’t kid yourself, here in New York Al Qaeda is all around us.

Earlier today they claimed credit for blowing up The View.


Up on the space shuttle this weekend two astronauts took a spacewalk to examine the condition of the shuttle.

It took two astronauts seven hours attached to a 100 foot long robotic arm to look over the entire ship. It’s the same way they give Kirstie Alley her annual physical.


The U.S. is negotiating a deal to send toxic waste Russia.

If the deal goes through the Russia would store waste from U.S. nuclear plants and anything produced by FOX television.

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