Chumworth on the News – 2004

Chumworth Jokes Submitted to the Late Show

From July 2003 until October 2009 I wrote and submitted monologue jokes to the LATE SHOW with DAVID LETTERMAN. I wrote and submitted about 10 jokes for each show they taped, the vast majority of which were not used. But a couple of times each month (sometimes more, sometimes less) Dave would use one on air and I would get paid for it!

Dave is one of my top two all-time comedy heroes, so it was an honor and a privilege to hear him tell a joke I wrote. Every single time. It never, ever got old.

This section displays all of the jokes I submitted over the years, in all their glory (such as it is). Use the archive links at the lower left to jump to a specific month, or the search box to look for jokes on a certain topic.

Jokes highlighted in bold were used on air (sometimes after further modification), though I don't remember when I started using this convention. You can see all of my jokes that were used on air by Dave (as well as those told by Jay and Carson and Jimmy) on my Late Night Jokes page.

Enjoy!

Today I saw a sure sign that summer is here in New York City.

I saw a group of kids carjacking a Mr. Softee truck.

I saw a bunch of rats open up a fire hydrant.

The hookers have switched to their summer hours.

Celebrity Birthdays: New York Yankees shortstop Derek Jeter turns 30 on Saturday.

In honor of his birthday, this weekend at Yankee Stadium they're lowering the price of a hot dog to just $30.

Former President Bill Clinton's new book sold more than 400,000 copies on Tuesday.

They say it set a record for first day sales for a piece of fiction.

The audio version of President Clinton's book sold 35,000 copies on its first day.

He's pretty happy about that – since we all know how much he likes oral.

Former President Bill Clinton says in his new book that his affair with Monica Lewinsky started back in 1995, earlier than he had previously claimed.

That's particularly damning because it means he was having an affair with her well before he started wearing glasses.

Former President Bill Clinton claims in his new book that Hillary was named after Sir Edmund Hillary, the first man to climb Mount Everest.

That's pretty ironic, since Bill's the one who likes to mount large things.

Paula Jones has challenged former President Bill Clinton to a public debate.

Clinton said he would agree to the debate under one condition: pants are optional.

Over in Japan a teacher recently forced a student to write an apology in his own blood.

Luckily, this sort of thing would never happen here – they'd be too busy having sex.

New York state has passed a new law banning the possession of exotic animals like tigers, monkeys, coyotes, bears and poisonous snakes.

The law is already having an effect here in the city. Earlier today I saw a rat returning a monkey to a pet store.

A new study by Italian researchers finds that obese men can improve their sex life by exercising and losing weight – and not smelling like cheese.

Pentagon officials have denied a claim by one of Saddam Hussein's lawyers that he's been abused while in captivity.

They say he gets treated just like every other prisoner – he gets walked naked on a leash twice a day.

In Detroit last night nine people were wounded during a shootout at a fireworks display.

Police say they haven't seen something like that sine the last time P. Diddy was in town.

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Thousands of people have been lining up to meet former President Bill Clinton at his book signings.

I believe he hasn't signed his name this many times since he was handing out pardons during his last days in the White House.

They're limiting people to just one minute to talk with him – and five minutes under the table.

The U.S. government has revised its count of terrorist attacks in 2003.

Apparently, after going over the numbers again, they found 18 more attacks, 318 more deaths – and 500 more votes for Al Gore.

New documents released by the White House this week show that Donald Rumsfeld authorized guards to strip prisoners and threaten them with dogs.

Rumsfeld said he couldn't take all the credit: it was President Bush who had the idea of putting the naked guys on the leashes.

The United States announced this week that it will hand over legal custody of Saddam Hussein to Iraq, but will retain physical custody of him.

And if it works with Saddam, then we'll try it with Martha Stewart.

A lawyer for Saddam Hussein claims that Saddam has been mistreated while in U.S. custody.

Apparently he's only getting walked naked on a leash once a day.

Saddam Hussein has written his first letter to his family since he was captured.

It says “Thanks for the 'World's Greatest Dictator' mug for Father's Day.”

The Lollapalooza music festival tour has been canceled due to poor ticket sales

Now I have to break the news to mom.

Mike Tyson has been granted a license to fight in New Jersey.

In response, the Department of Homeland security has raised the terror threat level to red.

They say Mike's training so hard they're running out sparring partners with fresh ears.

They say Mike's been training hard and is already in top biting shape.

Martha Stewart says that she really misses her job.

She says she'd give just about anything to be back making crappy things out of papier mache.

She says she'd give just about anything to fire someone for no reason again.

A new study shows that smoking can take 10 years off your life.

The good news is it's helping to thin out the rat population here in New York.

New York state has passed a new law banning the sale, possession and transport of exotic animals like tigers, monkeys, coyotes, bears and poisonous snakes.

So I guess we won't be seeing Courtney Love around these parts again.

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Former President Bill Clinton's memoirs officially went on sale today.

To promote the book he's doing a book tour of mostly small, independent adult bookstores.

So many people are turning out for his book signings, each person is only allowed to spend about one minute with him.

It's the same way he handled White House interns.

Earlier this week SpaceShipOne became the first private spacecraft to take a person into space, 62 miles above Earth.

That's highest a private citizen has ever gotten – except for Whitney Houston.

Independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader announced yesterday that Peter Camejo will be his vice presidential running mate.

That means he's just a heartbeat away from not having a chance in hell of getting elected president.

Fidel Castro has warned President Bush not to invade Cuba.

He'd better be careful, or the next thing he knows we'll be checking him for fleas.

Whitney Houston announced this week that she's going to perform in China for the first time this summer.

Officials in both countries say this could really give a boost to the Chinese-American drug trade.

Ben Affleck recently won $356,400 in a California poker tournament.

He hasn't had that big of a pot in his hands since – J Lo.

A new poll shows that most Americans think that Ronald Reagan will be remembered as a better president than Bill Clinton.

To be fair, thought, the poll didn't ask people to factor in T&A.

A man in Texas has been found guilty of criminal trespassing for streaking during the Super Bowl earlier this year.

His defense was pretty weak; he claimed it was a wardrobe malfunction.

Trinity Broadcasting Network is developing a Christian version of “American Idol.”

This is pretty clever: for judges they're going to have Peter, Paul and, of course, the really mean judge – Pontius Pilate.

The Supreme Court ruled this week that a suspect in a crime cannot refuse to give his or her names to police when asked.

Are you listening, Courtney?

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Yesterday was my first Father's Day as a father.

I thought this was nice, for Father's Day, Harry and I got matching diapers.

Last night here on CBS, former President Bill Clinton was interviewed on “60 Minutes” to promote his new autobiography.

It was some interview. He discussed a number of weighty topics, like the Middle East, the economy – and Monica.

Former President Bill Clinton says in his new autobiography that Hillary was so mad after he confessed to his affair with Monica Lewinsky that she made him sleep on the couch for two months.

And then, for extra punishment, for two months after that she made him sleep in bed with her.

Britney Spears has reportedly gotten engaged.

It sounds serious. She's already practicing how to lip synch “I do.”

Madonna says that she's converted to Judaism and changed her name to Esther.

Here's how serious she is about this: she says from now on, no more making out with women on Saturdays.

Over in England a judge has ruled that the public does not have the right to hike through Madonna's country estate.

Which is pretty strange, since most of the public has already been through her fields.

This past weekend the Olympic torch was carried through New York City.

It went pretty well. Only a couple of torchbearers were mugged.

P. Diddy carried the torch for one leg of the run.

After his run, out of habit, the police booked him on weapons possession charges.

Earlier today in California, SpaceShipOne, the world's first private craft, carried a person into space.

Scientists sat the only problem they have left to work out is eliminating the layover in Pittsburgh.

Winona Ryder has had her shoplifting conviction reduced from a felony to a misdemeanor, after doing 480 hours of community service at a hospital.

She not only got the charges reduced, but she also got a closet full of hospital gowns.

Over in Iraq they say the use of Viagra has been increasing dramatically since the war began.

Today Donald Rumsfeld promised to send over as many hookers as needed to restore order.

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You can tell it's graduation season here in New York City.

Today on my way to work, I was robbed and pistol-whipped by a kid in a black robe.

Down in Times Square the hookers are running their annual graduation special: $5 for 10 minutes with “Magna Cum Loudly.”

Former President Bill Clinton's memoirs are coming out next week.

It's going to be the first presidential memoirs that are sold behind the counter in brown paper wrapping.

Former President Bill Clinton says in a new interview that he doesn't consider his impeachment to be a stain on his presidency.

I'm thinking, wasn't he impeached in the first place because of a stain?

I'm thinking, no, the stain came before the impeachment.

(Thursday) Today is the 10th anniversary of O.J. Simpson's car chase in his White Bronco.

O.J. marked the occasion with a quite dinner with a few close friends and enablers.

Over in Spain this week bodyguards for President Bush's daughter Jenna got into a fistfight with two men who were trying to steal a cell phone.

Today Donald Rumsfeld ordered more troops to the region.

The commission investigating the Sept. 11 attacks reported this week that there is no evidence that Saddam Hussein had any ties to Osama bin Laden.

No word yet on whether he had any ties to Martha Stewart.

The postal service announced this week that they're going to issue a Ronald Reagan stamp next year.

They expect the stamp to be really popular. In fact, they're saying he could become the most licked president since – Bill Clinton.

Earlier this week President Bush claimed victory in Afghanistan.

Let's see: the economy there's in shambles, the government is barely in control and they're overrun with al Qaeda – yeah, I'd say our work there is done.

The government reported this week that the rate of inflation in May was at its highest in three years.

Prices are rising so fast that New York City guidebooks now say “hooker prices vary daily.”

Michael Jackson is reportedly going to release a greatest hits CD later this year.

They say it's going to include some new songs and several previously unreleased versions of Michael's nose.

There's a new documentary film about former President Bill Clinton about to come out.

It's the first documentary film to ever get an X rating.

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President Bush said this week that the U.S. will not turn over Saddam Hussein to the new Iraqi government when it transfers power on June 30.

He said the U.S. will only turn Saddam over when we're absolutely sure the new Iraqi government is capable of checking him for fleas.

President Bush said yesterday that he still believes that Saddam Hussein was involved with al Qaeda.

Of course, he still believes in the tooth fairy, too.

Earlier this week the federal government declared that batter-coated french fries will now be classified as fresh vegetables.

It's all part of the government's plan to come up with a diet that Dick Cheney can stick too.

Details have recently emerged about Vice President Dick Cheney's secret underground bunker.

Apparently, the bunker has five buildings, its own water supply – and a world class cardiac unit.

NASA says that the Mars Spirit rover has started to develop some mechanical problems due to wear and tear.

NASA said the problems aren't surprising. The rover has worked much longer than anybody thought it would – just like Mike Wallace.

Britney Spears had to cancel her summer tour after having surgery on her knee which she injured last week shooting a video.

Doctor's say she'll have to wear a brace for six weeks and then spend eight to 12 relearning how to lip sync.

There are reports now that Michael Jackson paid $23 million to settle a civil suit by a boy who accused him of molesting him in 1993.

I guess Michael was desperate to save face.

Congratulations to the Detroit Pistons for winning the NBA title last, beating the Los Angeles Lakers four games to one in the finals.

Kobe Bryant didn't play well in the series. In fact, I haven't seen him put up such a weak defense since his last court appearance.

Earlier today President Bush made a speech that was broadcast via satellite to U.S. troops around the world.

He made the speech here in the U.S. while the troops were actually in war zones – it's kind of like how he completed his military service.

The third season of Jessica Simpson's show “Newlyweds” debuted on MTV earlier tonight.

I'm glad to see that show is still on the air, because it means I'm not the dumbest blonde on TV.

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Former President Clinton's memoirs, “My Life,” are already climbing the bestseller charts, before the book has even come out.

He hasn't had something shoot up this fast since he met Monica.

President Clinton has been working hard promoting the book, which is over 900 pages long.

I believe he hasn't humped something this big since... Monica.

Gas prices have finally begun to fall again.

You can tell gas prices are going down. For example, this week over at the Hello Deli the price of Rupert's chicken soup is down 6 cents.

Despite the recent drop, gas prices are still really high.

I'm thinking if I want to spend $40 to fill up with gas – I'll just grab a hot dog at Yankee Stadium.

Bad economic news: The U.S. trade deficit rose to a record $48 billion in April.

It's all part of President Bush's “No Third World Worker Left Behind” program.

In space this week, the Cassini spacecraft took close up pictures of Saturn's moon Phoebe.

Phoebe is just one of many moons of Saturn, including Rachel, Ross, Joey, Chandler and Monica.

Just to give you a sense of how far away the spacecraft is, it's now farther out there than Michael Jackson.

Yesterday the U.S. Army unveiled their newly redesigned combat uniforms.

This means the U.S. Army is now the first army in the world to ever get a queer makeover.

The new uniforms come with digital camouflage, no-shine boots – and lots of hair product.

Good news: the federal government now says that Social Security has enough funds to last until 2052.

Which is the same thing they say about Cher.

Rush Limbaugh announced he's getting divorced.

On the bright side, he gets custody of the housekeeper.

The State Department admitted this week that, due to a mathematical error, it was wrong when it reported that terrorism had declined last year.

The good news is they say it won't happen again – since the Kerry people are much better at math.

Earlier today the president of Afghanistan, Hamid Karzai, made a speech to Congress.

He's the first president to address Congress who barely speaks English since – George W. Bush.

A new study finds that one in 125 people in the United Stats is a millionaire, or 0.8 percent of the population.

Coincidentally, President Bush's approval ratings are at about 0.8 percent.

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Happy Flag Day!

Flag Day is always fun around my house because every year mom makes her red, white and blue margaritas.

Celebrity birthdays: Mary Kate and Ashley Olson turned 18 this weekend.

That means they're now officially Donald Trump-eligible.

Celebrity birthdays: Donald Trump turned 58 this weekend.

He had a quiet celebration with a few close friends and supermodels.

He celebrated by firing a few close friends and relatives.

Former President George H.W. Bush celebrated his 80th birthday this weekend by making two parachute jumps onto the grounds of his presidential library in Texas.

Coincidentally, former President Bill Clinton once celebrated his birthday by landing on two interns.

Earlier today at a ceremony at the White House they unveiled the official portrait of former President Bill Clinton.

It was an 18 and over show

People who've seen it say the painting it's so realistic, you can almost reach out and touch the back of Monica's head.

P. Diddy, who's performing in “A Raisin in the Sun” here on Broadway, had to leave the show on Saturday night because of a stomach ailment.

His understudy had to go on and they say he did really well – especially considering he'd never fired a weapon before.

Britney Spears is launching her own fragrance this fall, called Curious.

They say one application will last for an entire 55-hour marriage.

They say it really captures her essence – it's cheap and easy to use.

Senator John McCain has rejected an offer to be John Kerry's vice presidential running mate.

McCain said he was flattered but he had to turn down Kerry's poorly articulated offer.

The second season of Paris Hilton's reality show “The Simple Life” debuts on Fox this week.

Of course, it's not her most eagerly awaited sequel.

Over in England this weekend, Richard Branson set a speed record for crossing the English Channel in an amphibious car in under two hours.

When he pulled out of the water on the other side thousands of French people were there to greet him in the traditional manner – with their arms up.

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Yesterday President Bush denied that he had authorized the use of illegal interrogation techniques in Iraq.

Or course not. He couldn't even pronounce “interrogation.”

Down in Washington today the government was closed, in observance of former President Ronald Reagan's funeral.

For example, Donald Rumsfeld took the day off from stripping prisoners naked and walking them on a leash.

Today is day six of the Jennifer Lopez marriage to singer Marc Anthony.

Today Britney Spears called J Lo to congratulate her – and to find out her secret to a long marriage.

Britney Spears had arthroscopic surgery on her left knee after injuring it during a video shoot earlier this week.

Her doctors say it going to be at least six weeks before she can resume drunken, weekend marriages.

A new poll shows that John Kerry is now leading President Bush.

Here's how confident John Kerry feels: he's started getting Botox injections again.

Here's how worried President Bush is: his advisers are considering checking Saddam for fleas on TV again.

The State Department has announced that they made a mistake by reporting that worldwide terrorism had declined last year.

Apparently, what happened was, they forgot to factor in all of the attacks by Courtney Love.

Major League Baseball has begun interleague play again.

Interleague play is great. It means every year we get to see a whole bunch of different teams come to town and beat the Mets.

This summer the U.S. Army is going to begin destroying chemical weapons containing VX nerve gas. What they're going to do is, in an airtight building, technicians will wear protective gloves and use a special pump to drain the chemical from their shells.

It's the same thing they did to Rush Limbaugh.

Martha Stewart is asking for a new trial because a government witness at her first trial lied on the witness stand

Martha said if she knew you could lie on the witness stand, she would have testified herself.

Here in New York a man who weighs 900 pounds says he's going to lose the weight by break dancing.

I believe it's the same plan that Oprah followed.

He'd be the biggest thing to hit the dance floor since – J. Lo's ass.

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Celebrity birthdays: Jessica Simpson turns 24 today.

This means that she's now officially older than she can count.

I thought this was nice: her husband Nick Lachey bought her “Hooked on Phonics.”

Jennifer Lopez got married last weekend to singer Marc Anthony and her ex boyfriend P. Diddy says that he's happy about it.

Sure – he's happy it wasn't him.

Down there in Washington, thousands of people have been viewing the casket of former President Ronald Reagan.

I haven't seen that many people filing past a dead body since – earlier today on the subway.

The judge in the Martha Stewart case is considering a request to grant her a new trial because a key prosecution witness lied on the stand.

When she heard this Martha said she was against a new trial, saying with a new coat of paint the old one would still be perfectly good.

Bad celebrity news: Courtney Love has been arrested again, this time for attacking another woman with a bottle and a flashlight.

The good news is the national terror alert level has gone down.

This was strange: after she was arrested, she demanded that she be stripped naked and led around on a leash.

A lawyer representing Saddam Hussein claims that Saddam has been tortured while in U.S. custody.

Donald Rumsfeld has denied this charge saying Saddam is being treated humanely. Apparently, he gets walked naked on a leash twice a day.

Britney Spears had arthroscopic surgery on her left knee after injuring it during a video shoot the other day.

Luckily, it's not her lip-syncing knee.

After the surgery, Britney showed the doctor and nurses her appreciation by lip-syncing a heartfelt “thank you.”

A man in Chicago has been sentenced to three years in prison for smuggling thousands of Cuban cigars into the country.

The last person to get into that much trouble for hiding a cigar was – Bill Clinton.

Scientists say they have identified a group of genes that stop working hard after age 40 that may be linked to deteriorating mental function.

They also found that not only do they stop working hard, but many of them also move back in with their parents.

A group of genes that stop working hard when they hit 40 – just like President Bush.

Earlier this week in France they held a royal funeral for the heart of Louis XVII, who died as a young boy in prison after his parents were executed during the French Revolution.

Apparently the heart is shriveled up and rock hard after all these years – just like Dick Cheney's.

German scientists have found that some dogs can learn and understand more than 200 words.

200 words – that means some dogs can communicate at a Jessica Simpson level.

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Here in New York City it's been really hot.

It was so hot today my cab driver was wearing an oscillating turban.

It was so hot and sunny today in Central park I saw a squirrel putting sunblock on his nuts.

It was so hot today I saw a bunch kids trying to bust open a fire hydrant – no, wait, they were just stealing it.

Today is day four of the Jennifer Lopez-Marc Anthony marriage.

That means right about now Jennifer Lopez is getting the “four day itch.”

That means their best days are already behind them.

Singer Marc Anthony has refused to say whether he's married to Jennifer Lopez.

You can understand why he's being careful – you never know when the divorce will come through.

Earlier today President Bush met with the new Iraqi president Ghazi al-Yawer.

Or, as Bush calls him, “Senor Presidente.”

They discussed all the uprisings and dissent and the upcoming transfer of power – and then they discussed Iraq.

Some members of Congress have introduced legislation to put former President Ronald Reagan's face on the $10 or $20 bill.

Coincidentally, there's also a proposal to former President Clinton's face on “Hooters bucks.”

President George H. W. Bush is going to celebrate his 80th birthday this weekend by making a parachute jump.

Interestingly, President Bush will be asked by the voters in November to take a flying leap.

Here in New York, Mayor Bloomberg has proposed a strict new anti-noise plan.

So, please, if you have to scream for your life – keep it down.

Yesterday in California, Democratic Presidential candidate John Kerry paid his respects to former President Ronald Reagan by viewing his casket.

It was a typical John Kerry appearance. First he was standing on one side of the casket, then the other.

Yesterday the U.N. Security Council approved a resolution detailing the powers and limitations of the current Iraqi government until national elections can be held and new government chosen.

And if it works in Iraq, they'll try it here.

A recent poll in Saudi Arabia shows that half the country approves of Osama bin Laden.

His approval numbers are so good John Kerry had added him to his list of potential vice presidential candidates.

Congratulations to P. Diddy who was named the top menswear designer by the Council of Fashion Designers of America earlier this week.

He won in both the large and small caliber categories.

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Jennifer Lopez got married over the weekend to singer Marc Anthony.

That means that right about now, they're already beginning to grow apart.

There are reports now that Jennifer Lopez is pregnant.

You know what this means – we could be looking at a shotgun divorce.

The body of former President Reagan's will be accompanied by a riderless horse during his funeral in Washington on Friday.

When former President Clinton dies, I believe his body will be accompanied by a riderless intern.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry says that he's suspending all campaign activities this week in observance of former President Reagan's death.

Not to be outdone, today the Bush campaign announced that for the rest of the week they were suspending all heart bypass activities for Dick Cheney

Last night Venus could be seen transiting the sun for the first time in 122 years.

Former President Clinton was interested in astronomy. In fact, one time he stayed up all night transiting an intern.

O.J. Simpson said in a recent interview that he's no longer looking for the real killers of Nicole Brown Simpson and Ronald Goldman.

However, he is still looking for his knife.

The judge in the Martha Stewart case has postponed her sentencing until July 8th.

So all employees of Martha Stewart Living make a note: the going away party has been postponed until July 9.

Down in Georgia this week, the members of the G-8 are holding their annual summit.

It's a meeting of a group of representatives from the eight richest industrialized nations in the world. President Bush, of course, will be there representing Halliburton.

Gas prices here in the U.S. have fallen for the second straight week.

Gas prices here in New York are so low that today I decided to get the high-octane hooker.

There were new threats on an al Qaeda web site earlier this week warning of more attacks against westerners in the near future.

Here's how seriously the government is taking the threats: they've already forgotten where they put Dick Cheney.

The new Harry Potter film is out. In this movie, Harry Potter is a teenager at Hogwarts school.

The special effects in this movie are great. They had one scene where Harry Potter actually gets a date.

MTV has decided to edit our a shot of Eminem exposing his rear end during the 2004 Movie Awards when the show is broadcast this week.

That means if you want to see an ass on TV, you'll have to tune into this show.

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I saw a sure sign this weekend that summer's here again – Jennifer Lopez got married.

Jennifer Lopez got married over the weekend to singer Marc Anthony.

I'm not sure this is a good sign – she caught the bouquet.

They say this time it looks like the real thing – it's her first wedding where she didn't bring a date.

Her old friend P. Diddy was there and offered a 21-shot salute.

She got a good deal on her honeymoon – she was able to use her frequent flyer miles from her previous honeymoons.

Last night was the big “Sopranos” season finale. The next season won't start for another 18 months.

By the time the next season starts, Jennifer Lopez will have gotten married three more times.

President Bush was in France this weekend to commemorate the 60th anniversary of D-Day.

I believe he's the first U.S. president to speak at D-Day ceremonies who was never elected.

He was only in Europe for 36 hours. He flew over, attended some ceremonies and flew home.

It was just like his National Guard service.

Before attending the D-Day ceremonies, President Bush met with the pope in Italy.

Aides say it was a productive meeting – he got a $10,000 contribution.

The body of Former President Reagan will lie in state in both California and Washington this week, before he's buried in California next weekend.

First the body will be in California, then they'll fly it to the east coast to be on display for a few days, then they'll fly the body back to California – it's the same thing they do with Joan Rivers.

Democratic presidential candidate John Kerry says that he's suspending his campaign for a few days in observance of former President Reagan's death.

Aides say he'll resume failing to articulate his message next week.

O.J. Simpson says that he is getting his own reality TV show.

He says it'll be a lot like “Punk'd” – but with more bloodshed.

It's going to be called “Knife'd.”

Former President Bill Clinton began promoting his new book last week when he was the keynote speaker at BookExpo America.

Afterwards he had his first book signing at a nearby Hooters.

Earlier tonight here in New York they had the Tony Awards.

I was given a special lifetime Lack of Achievement Award.

P Diddy, who's starring in “A Raisin in the Sun” was there and picked up several weapons possession charges.

A man who recently charged $129,000 at a strip club here in New York is refusing to pay, saying the club took advantage of him.

Here's how much money that is: for $129,000 you could treat a family of four to a night at Yankee stadium.

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