From March through December of 2009 I wrote and submitted monologue jokes to the LATE NIGHT with JIMMY FALLON. I wrote and submitted about 8 jokes for each show they taped, most of which weren't used. But, sometimes, one was!

This section displays all of the jokes I submitted to the show for this brief time. Use the archive links at the lower left to jump to a specific month, or the search box to look for jokes on a certain topic.

Jokes highlighted in bold were used on air. You can see all of my jokes that were used on air by Jimmy, as well as those told by Dave, Jay and Carson on my Late Night Jokes page.

Enjoy!

Larry King was on CNN last night talking about Michael Jackson. It was interesting: one dead guy talking about another dead guy.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford met with his wife, Jenny, for the first time on Thursday since admitting his affair with a woman in Argentina. Things got off to a rough start when he started talking to her in Spanish.

Iran President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad told President Obama this week to quit interfering in his country’s affairs. It’s the same thing Dick Cheney used to tell George Bush.

Scientists in Rhode Island have discovered the least inhabited place on Earth – 3 miles deep in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. So, apparently, they’ve never heard of North Dakota.

Researchers at the Brooklyn Museum discovered this week that a 2,000-year-old mummy that they thought was a woman was really a man. They discovered it after they used a special CT scanner for ancient bodies that they borrowed from Joan Rivers’ doctor.

A new study finds that 72% of people favor their right ear for listening. Finally, some good news for Republicans.

Ruth Madoff was spotted riding the F subway train in New York City this week. After being on the subway she told her husband Bernie that he didn’t have it so bad in prison.

Duke University engineered a robotic surgeon that can find and remove steel shrapnel without human help. Here’s how life-like the robotic surgeon is: it’s even a scratch golfer.

Rosie O’Donnell is getting her radio show on Sirius XM. She’ll be discussing her favorite topics: news, entertainment and hot chicks.

A couple in Germany who began arguing immediately after they got married got divorced on the same day. No word yet on gets custody of the wedding cake.

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South Carolina Gov. Mark Sanford admitted yesterday that he’s having an affair with a woman in Argentina. He said he really regrets it and, if he had to do it all over again, he’d have an affair with a woman much closer to home.

President Obama took back his invitation to Iranian diplomats to attend Fourth of July celebrations in Washington, D.C. after the violent crackdown in Tehran. He’s really taking a hard line here; he also said if they don’t ease up on the protestors he’s going to take back his invitation for them to go Trick-or-Treating in October.

The U.S. soccer team beat Spain 2-0 at the Confederations Cup on Wednesday �" the first time the men’s team will advance to the FIFA final since 1916. After the win American soccer fans went nuts – or, at least, the guy’s buddy said he did.

The social security numbers of more than 45,000 members of Cornell University were exposed when a laptop with the information was stolen. Just to be safe the university is recommending that all the students get new fake IDs.

President Obama will meet Pope Benedict XVI on July 10 during his stay in Italy for a G-8 summit meeting. It’ll be the first time a man picked by God to be a leader has met the pope.

A woman in Oklahoma recently agreed to have sex in exchange for potato chips. Apparently the woman will also give oral sex for Cheetos.

A man in Philadelphia was arrested for blaring a pornographic soundtrack to chase off loud neighbor kids. The good news it drove off the kids; the bad news is it attracted lots of horny guys.

It’s Gay Pride Week here in New York City. In honor of Gay Pride Week earlier today Mayor Bloomberg gave the keys to the city to Clay Aiken.

Dick Cheney has signed a deal to publish his memoirs. He’s promising to tell where the bodies are buried – literally.

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Dick Cheney signed a deal to write his memoir – to be published in the Spring of 2011. Following it’s publication he’ll be heading out on a waterboarding tour.

A man in Wisconsin was arrested for driving a golf cart drunk on a highway. Police knew he was drunk when they administered a breathalyzer test and he blew a nine over par.

Phil Spector will be allowed jam sessions with fellow prisoners while he serves at least 19 years for murder. In fact, he’s already had a couple of jam sessions with his cellmate.

Harvard University will cut 275 jobs after losing 30 percent of its endowment in 2009. Harvard said that to make up for its shrinking endowment it was going to buy a convertible.

Iran’s supreme leader said this week that the recent presidential election wasn’t rigged. I’m not sure I believe him; he also said there was no way Jon and Kate would get divorced.

New census data shows that the number of people 65 and older will triple by the year 2050. The government says that if we don’t start planning now, by 2050 we’ll be facing a serious shortage of slot machines.

Chris Brown pleaded guilty Monday to assaulting Rihanna in a deal that requires him to clean up graffiti and roadside trash. He’s already fulfilling his sentence; earlier today he cleaned up Amy Winehouse.

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Jon and Kate Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus Eight have filed for divorce. They’ve already come to a custody agreement: she gets the kids, he gets the nanny.

South Carolina Governor Mark Sanford has disappeared this week to “recharge” – but his wife has no idea where he is. The good news is he’s been found and he’s OK; the bad news is now his wife knows where he is again.

A 5.4 magnitude earthquake struck outside Anchorage, Alaska on Monday morning, but caused little damage. Nobody was injured, but it did knock Sarah Palin off her high horse.

Chris Brown pleaded guilty Monday to assaulting Rihanna in a deal that requires him to clean up graffiti and roadside trash. He was so unhappy with the deal that after court he beat up his lawyer.

Armed robbers dressed in drag stole $102 million from a jewelry store in Paris on Monday. Police describe the suspects as armed and blinged-out.

Today is Typewriter Day – in observance of the typewriter being patented in 1868 by Christopher Sholes. Of course, most people don’t celebrate Typewriter Day anymore; they celebrate Word Processor Day.

Hustler CEO Larry Flynt was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital on Saturday. He’s doing well; earlier today his status was upgraded from critical to sleazy.

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It was revealed over the weekend that Steve Jobs received a liver transplant in Tennessee two months ago – the reason for his undisclosed medical leave in January. His doctors say he’s doing really well with liver 2.0.

Secretary of State Hillary Clinton will make a full recovery after having a successful surgery to repair her broken right elbow on Friday. However, for the next few weeks she’ll have to use her left hand to wag a finger at Bill.

In a recent interview, President Obama reveals that his daughters Malia and Sasha have to make their beds, walk the dog, feed the dog – and that they are not allowed to watch TV during the week. So apparently he’s not really against torture.

Hustler CEO Larry Flynt was rushed to a Los Angeles hospital on Saturday for unknown reasons. Sources say he was driven to the hospital in car wrapped in plain brown paper.

An 83-year-old pilot had to land his plane on a Miami expressway Sunday after experiencing engine trouble. Witnesses said they knew it was an elderly pilot because after he landed his left his turn signal on for 10 miles.

Michael Phelps set a personal best in the 100m butterfly on Saturday at the Canada Cup – at 50.48 seconds. His coach used a new technique to help him train: he dangles a bong at one end of the pool.

Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bündchen and her husband, New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady, are expecting their first child early next year. Friends say the pregnancy is unexpected; apparently Tom found a hole in the defense.

Jon Gosselin of Jon & Kate Plus Eight was reportedly seen in New York City this weekend apartment hunting. Sources say he was spotted looking for a one-bedroom apartment with 8 pull-out beds.

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A Continental Airlines pilot dies in the middle of a transatlantic flight from Brussels to New Jersey last night. The good news is the flight landed safely in Newark, but the bad news is pilot’s body landed up in Detroit.

Singer-dancer-choreographer Paula Abdul is 47. That’s amazing – she doesn’t look a day over crazy.

GM announced Thursday that it will stop manufacturing the Pontiac Vibe in August. Once they stop manufacturing them, all they’ll have to do then is get of rid of all those bad vibes.

Police in Jamaica are looking for the thieves who stole over $1,000 worth of electronics from Olympic sprinter Usain Bolt’s home. They’re described as armed, dangerous and really, really fast.

Hillary Clinton fell and broke her elbow on Wednesday. The good news is she’s already feeling well enough for Bill to resume dating.

A man in Delaware set off fireworks in the bathroom of an Arby’s restaurant on Thursday. Workers said they haven’t had heard explosions like that in the bathroom since their last $.99 special.

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Hillary Clinton fell and broke her elbow on Wednesday. As soon as he heard the news Bill rushed to the hospital and picked up a nurse.

Hillary Clinton fell and broke her left elbow on Wednesday. When he heard the news Rush Limbaugh accused her of protecting the left one.

PETA is complaining about President Obama killing a fly during a recent interview in the White House. Hey, at least it’s not as bad as when Bush was in the White House and Cheney would waterboard them.

A company in Israel has developed the world’s first kosher search engine, called Koogle. It’s already been banned in Iran, Syria and Mel Gibson’s house.

Congratulations to Nate Archibald, who was named People magazine’s hottest bachelor of the summer. I made the list but I was a little lower down, between Chaz Bono and XXX

The Mexican navy found a ton of cocaine hidden inside of frozen sharks. How weird is that – Mexico has a navy?

Actor T.R. Knight – who plays Dr. George O’Malley on Grey’s Anatomy – will leave the show to star in the Broadway revival of “Lend Me a Tenor” next year. He said he’s looking forward to a much gayer acting challenge.

A student at a high school in Maine was denied his diploma because he blew a kiss to his mother during the graduation ceremony. Apparently the students were warned ahead of time that they could only blow kisses to teachers.

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Former President Bill Clinton has been named a special U.N. envoy to Haiti. His job will be to help create access to jobs, basic services and wet T-shirt contests.

A federal judge has granted John Hinckley, Jr. the right spend more time visiting his mother. The ruling was made over the objections of prosecutors – and John Hinckley, Jr.

Officials at Continental Airlines apologized for sending a 10-year-old girl who was flying alone to New Jersey instead of Ohio. Imagine how terrifying that must have been – being in New Jersey.

Officials at Continental Airlines apologized for sending a 10-year-old girl who was flying alone to New Jersey instead of Ohio. As soon as they realized their mistake airline officials apologized and put her right on a plane to Atlanta.

Michelle Obama hosted a jazz workshop at the White House on Monday for Wynton Marsalis and 150 students. With all those horns being played I believe there hasn’t been that much blowing going on in the White House since Bill Clinton was president.

83-year-old Dick Van Dyke is writing a memoir currently untitled to be published in 2010. He’s writing under a very tight deadline – death.

A former Catholic priest in Florida married his longtime girlfriend Tuesday – a month after he was forced to leave the priesthood. He had a wild bachelor party; his buddies spiked the holy water.

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Over in Iran people are protesting and rioting over the presidential elections. People are screaming and fighting and yelling – it’s like watching an Arabic version of The View.

President Obama spoke for 56 minutes on Monday before the American Medical Association – the longest speech of his presidency so far. That doesn’t count the 2 hours he had to wait before the doctors would see him.

Scientists in Greenland have discovered 120,000 year-old bacteria 2 miles below the ice. They named the new species Chryseobacterium larrykingis.

Brad Pitt and his siblings gave $1 million to a hospital in Missouri to help open a new pediatric cancer center named for their mother. Technically, Brad donated the whole $1 million and his siblings just signed the card.

John McCain said on his Twitter feed Monday that he is buying a 2010, silver Ford Fusion Hybrid. He said it’s the sexiest thing he’s picked up since Sarah Palin.

On Monday, a man who fell overboard from a Carnival Cruise ship in Florida was found three hours later, clinging to a buoy. Once he was back on board the cruise ship he was given blankets, medical attention and 8 hot meals.

A new survey finds that more than 50% of people cannot locate the heart on a diagram of the human body. That’s surprising – who knew that many people were Republicans?

A new survey finds that 28% of Americans blame the Internet for spending less time with their families. The other 72% thanked the Internet for giving them an excuse to not spend time with their families.

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Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was re-elected as President of Iran this weekend. His opponent is claiming ballot fraud; I believe his name is Mir Hossein Gore.

Mir Hossein Moussavi – Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s opponent – is claiming ballot fraud in Iran’s presidential election on Friday and wants the results thrown out. He’s claiming there were problems with the voting machines in Broward and Dade counties.

Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich launched the world’s biggest yacht on Sunday. It’s 557-feet long and comes with two helipads, a missile-detection system, and 10 meals a day.

Historians in Italy have discovered a nude painting that resembles the Mona Lisa – and believe it was painted by Leonardo Da Vinci. The painting was found in a private residence, in some guy’s sock drawer.

Six Flags is filing for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection, facing a $1.8 billion debt. Experts expect them to survive bankruptcy, but probably with only 3 or 4 flags.

A gay couple in New York City got married when one man fooled a court clerk into thinking he was a woman by wearing a dress and leggings at the ceremony. The clerk said he should have realized it was two men when he saw the bride in the men’s room.

A team of mathematicians at MIT developed a model that describes how pointless traffic jams form. They hope to also use the model to describe how pointless research happens.

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Malawai’s high court ruled on Friday that Madonna can adopt a young girl from the country. This is the second child she’s adopted from Malawai, so I believe the next one is free.

Today in Iran they had a presidential election. Experts say President Mahmoud Ahmadinejad had a big advantage: the voting machines are controlled by his brother Jeb Ahmadinejad.

Astronomers in Switzerland say that, for the first time, they’ve identified a planet outside of our galaxy. They used a new method to find it: Google Universe.

New York City has turned Broadway into a pedestrian mall. I don’t like it; earlier today on Broadway I was mugged by a mall walker.

Astronomers in California say that a nearby red star is going to explode very soon. If it does, they say it’ll be the biggest star to explode since – Christian Bale.

Cher’s daughter, Chastity Bono, will have gender reassignment surgery �" and soon become a man. I thought this was nice: she offered to donate her unwanted female parts to her mom.

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Paris Hilton and her boyfriend Doug Reinhardt have split up. The good news is they’ll always have memories of their time together – and the videos.

Donald Trump stripped Miss California Carrie Prejean of her crown on Wednesday after she was unwilling to make required appearances for the organization. Apparently the last straw was when she refused to appear in Donald’s bedroom.

A tree at the White House was knocked down on Tuesday by strong winds. I believe it’s the first time something at the White House has been blown like that since – Bill Clinton.

Congratulations to Mike Tyson who got married for the third time over the weekend. The wedding night was like his last fight: full of clinching and it was over in two minutes.

The Girl Scouts of America created a patch inspired by Dolly Parton’s song “Coat of Many Colors.” Its a big patch – about a 48 DDD.

The Pacific island nation of Palau announced Wednesday that it would accept 17 Chinese prisoners transferred from Guantanamo Bay in exchange for $200 million. With good behavior, the prisoners will get time added to their sentence.

In a new interview, Shia LaBeof says that the source of his humor is seeing his parents having sex. That’s interesting because for most people that would be the source of psychiatric counseling.

Scientists have created a new shoe with a GPS tracking system for people with Alzheimers. It’s currently being tested on Jon from “Jon & Kate Plus 8″.

A new report finds that one in four payphones in the New York City subway system don’t work. They say the phones are old and broken down and need to be replaced with new ones – it’s the same thing they say about the hookers in Times Square.

An Israeli woman mistakenly threw out a mattress in which she had stored $1 million in cash – her life savings. She said if she was looking to throw away her life savings she would’ve just given the money to Bernie Madoff.

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Sarah Palin appeared at a Republican fund raising dinner in Washington on Monday. She didn’t speak at the event but she did participate in the swimsuit competition.

Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced. Apparently she caught him injecting another woman.

Police in France are searching for the thief who stole a notebook full of Picasso’s sketches worth several million dollars from a Paris museum. Eyewitnesses describe the thief as having three eyes, a blue face and a nose on the side of his head.

Congratulations to Mike Tyson who got married for the third time over the weekend. Guests at the wedding were instructed to give their presents directly to Don King.

Starbucks accidentally charged one million customers – who paid with credit and debit cards – twice for their purchases between May 22 and May 23. Starbucks apologized and called it a grande mistake.

A Frenchman shattered the world record for holding one’s breath under water – at 11 minutes and 35 seconds. There are people who’ve held their breath for longer than that – but they all did it on the New York City subway.

Police officers in London are being accused of waterboarding suspected drug dealers. Sources say the London police waterboard just like the CIA – but in a much more charming way.

A man was arrested for trying to smuggle 24 pounds of marijuana in his surfboard across the U.S.-Mexico border. Border agents said they became suspicious when they saw a guy with a surfboard.

A woman in Austin, Texas robbed a bank on Tuesday, using a recyclable grocery bag to carry the money in. Police describe her as armed, dangerous and driving a Prius.

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Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced. They’ve agreed to split all their assets: the house, the money and her clean urine.

Work began Monday on the nation’s largest mass transit project �" an $8.7 billion passenger train beneath the Hudson River. The ceremony was attended were representatives of the city, the state and organized crime.

Rupert Murdoch is renting his summer home on the North Shore of Long Island to Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie for $100,000 a month. It’s good deal: it comes with 11 bedrooms, 7 fireplaces and 5 more kids.

Sarah Palin was in New York City on Sunday. She said she now knows all about organized crime because she could see New Jersey from her hotel room.

A man in New Hampshire drove his car at a friend on Saturday after they argued over a $10 bar tab. The man said he regretted it and that next time he wants to run over his friend he’ll use a designated driver.

Astronomers announced this week that they’ve discovered a massive black hole in a nearby galaxy that’s 6.4 billion times the mass of the sun. They say it’s the most massive black hole ever seen – other than NBC’s prime time development budget.

A 93-year-old man and an 89-year-old woman got married on Sunday in West Palm Beach, Florida. The wedding went fine until the guests started throwing rice and almost killed the bride and groom.

Apple’s CEO Steve Jobs was noticeably absent on Monday when the company’s vice president unveiled the new iPhone. It turns out was actually there, he was just standing sideways so nobody could see him.

A company has developed a new at-home gender testing kit for pregnant women. The company says if it works for pregnant women then they’ll try using it on American Idol finalists.

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For the first time in 30 years, Saudis were allowed to go to the movies this weekend. Industry experts say there haven’t seen this many guys going to the movies alone since Star Trek opened.

54-year-old Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor fractured her right ankle this morning when she tripped at LaGuardia Airport – on her way to Washington to meet senators who will vote on her confirmation. So, that means she’s definitely leaning to the left.

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Celebrity birthdays: Malia Obama turned 8 yesterday. She got to play her favorite birthday party game: pin the hair plugs on the vice president.

Summer Bird upset Jockey Calvin Borel from winning the Belmont Stakes on Saturday – the final jewel in the Triple Crown. So, unfortunately, he came up just a little short.

Phil Spector’s 28-year-old wife said in a recent interview that she is not a gold digger – and that they had frequent sex. Coincidentally, Phil’s new cellmate said the same thing today.

Hillary Clinton said she originally turned down President Obama’s offer to be Secretary of State. She said it was difficult to do because she’s not used to turning down men.

President and Michelle Obama had dinner together at a bistro in Paris on Saturday. There hasn’t been a president going on this many dates since Bill Clinton.

A 23-year-old rancher in South Dakota won the $232 million Powerball lottery – one of the largest undivided jackpots in U.S. history. What are the odds of that – somebody living in South Dakota?

Figure skater Michelle Kwan graduated from the University of Denver on Saturday with a degree in international studies, which is impressive since that has a pretty high degree of difficulty.

Scientists in India have cloned the world’s second buffalo – three months after cloning the first one.They say the only thing can’t figure out is how to clone one with wings.

Police in Wisconsin are searching for a thief who stole an 8-foot-tall statue of Ronald McDonald. A spokeman for Mayor McCheese said that Officer Big Mac was on the case and had already brought in the Hamburgular for questioning.

A new survey finds that political conservatives are more likely to be grossed out by the sight of bugs than liberals. In the other hand, conservatives are less likely to be grossed out by Rush Limbaugh.

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President Obama was in Dresden, Germany earlier today. They gave him the key to the city – Paris.

Genealogists have located documents proving that President Obama has German roots dating back to the 1700s. He said that explains why he’s always had a slight urge to invade Poland.

Today is National Donut Day! Wait a minute; this is America – isn’t every day donut day?

Madonna is going to perform in Israel this summer. Israel is the home to many ancient relics – so she should fit right in.

Supreme Court nominee Sonia Sotomayor is over $400,000 in debt. Sounds like she’s more qualified to be the head of GM.

The Labor Department says that U.S. workers were more productive in the first quarter of this year than originally estimated. Economists attribute it to unexpected periods of Facebook downtime.

Congratulations to Angelina Jolie, who was named the most powerful celebrity in the world by Forbes magazine. So, once again she’s been picked ahead of Jennifer Anniston.

The owner of a brothel in Nevada is now hiring male prostitutes to help boost business. So far it’s working – today Adam Lambert was there,

Osama bin Laden released a new audio recording earlier this week. It’s gotten so much attention that it debuted at number one on the psychotic terror leader charts.

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Obama’s speech was translated into 13 languages. Unlike George Bush’s speeches, there was no need to translate it into English.

Obama’s speech was translated into 13 languages – and posted on Twitter, MySpace, Facebook, and YouTube. It was so well received in the Arab world that Osama bin Laden sent Obama a friend request in Facebook.

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President Obama arrived in Egypt today to give a major speech. He traveled to Egypt from Saudia Arabia on Camel One.

To protest Kim Jong Il’s nuclear testing, the U.N. is considering a ban on luxury foods being sent to North Korea. That means no more caviar, lobster and sliced bread.

A source confirmed that Kate Hudson and Alex Rodriguez are dating. Friends expect it to be all over before October – just like the Yankees season.

Britney Spears is selling her home in California for $6.5 million. It’s a good deal – the house comes with six bedrooms, six baths and a full set of snow tires.

The federal government accidentally released a highly confidential list of nuclear sites and programs around the country. A government spokesman said the accidental release had never happened before and only happened this time because the government was overexcited.

Good news: New York City now has the lowest crime rate of all big cities. Here’s how low the crime rate is now: earlier today the Gambino crime family declared bankruptcy.

Joan Rivers is selling her penthouse here in New York City. It’s 106 years old, has many original fixtures and has undergone a number of facelifts – no, wait, I’m sorry that’s Joan.

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President Obama arrived in Saudia Arabia earlier today. The Saudi King picked him up at the airport and took him into Riydah – and Obama gave him a nice tip.

Vice President Joe Biden was in New York City yesterday and he bought a suit at Barney’s. It cost $2,400 and it’s made from a wool and cotton blend – just like his hair.

Nobody was seriously injured when a 93-year-old man in Massachusetts drove his car into a Wal-Mart. He was taken in for questioning – right after he finished his shift as a greeter.

A woman flying from Chile to Spain was arrested when police discovered that her two suitcases were made of cocaine. Airline officials say they became suspicious when Amy Winehouse tried to claim her luggage.

A woman in Pennsylvania is searching for her runaway pet �" a 52-pound African tortoise. Technically, it’s more of a walkaway pet.

Wednesday was National Fist Bump Day – which marks a year since Barack Obama celebrated getting the presidential nomination by bumping fists with Michelle Obama. It also marks the official end to ideas for holidays.

Aretha Franklin and Barry Manilow will sing in Washington, D.C.’s annual Fourth of July celebration on the National Mall. That is, assuming she doesn’t eat him.

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Geneal Motors announced today that they’ve sold Hummer to a mystery buyer. It’s not surprising the buyer wants to remain anonymous; most guys wouldn’t ever admit to paying for a hummer.

North Korea could launch a long-range missile capable of reaching Alaska in one week. The good news is Sarah Palin should see it coming a mile away.

Everybody’s still talking about the date that President Obama and his wife Michelle went out here in New York City on Saturday night. It’s just nice for a change to have the president go out on a date that doesn’t result in impeachment charges.

Happy birthday to the 59th street bridge here in New York City which turns 100 this week. The 59th street bridge is 100 years old, has had several face-lifts, and, over the years, countless number of people have been on it – it’s just like Barbara Walters.

Republican politicians from Nevada and Mississippi have already started campaigning in Iowa for the 2012 elections. Here’s how serious they are: they’ve already started scouting local beauty pageants for running mates.

A Taiwanese man who lost $2 million in Las Vegas is threatening to sue the Venetian hotel for using feng shui to cause his losing streak. The casino is so sure it will win, it’s installed itself as a 2-1 favorite.

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General Motors filed for bankruptcy on Monday. Experts say GM will emerge from bankruptcy in 3 three years or 36,000 miles, whichever comes first.

President Obama had General Motors file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy on Monday. Obama drove a hard bargain: he negotiated GM down from Chapter 15 bankruptcy.

President Obama and his wife Michelle went out on a date in New York City on Saturday night. It was an expensive date; they had to pay for the flight to New York, tickets to a Broadway show and Joe Biden for babysitting.

Happy birthday to Big Ben, which turned 150 yesterday. Big Ben has undergone a few changes since it was first built; for example, last year they added a snooze button.

The University of Texas beat Boston College in 25 innings Saturday – the longest college baseball game in NCAA history. That’s unusual because most baseball games only feel like they last forever.

Angelina Jolie was briefly hospitalized Friday after she bumped her head while filming an action sequence for a movie. After she bumped her head she couldn’t name all of her children – so they knew she was fine.

Rafael Nadal lost to Robin Soderling on Sunday, ending his record 31-match winning streak at the French Open. Nadal has the longest winning streak in France, other than the Germans.

A new study finds that “night owls” – people who stay up late – are more depressed than people who go to bed early. I don’t know about you but that bums me out.

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