• well, we just broke another item here at the rental house. our deposit is slowly but surely disappearing. time for another beer! #
• on the stairmaster. these butt cheeks won't tone themselves. #
• time for a shower then me and the boys are heading out to pick up new years eve fireworks! another reason to love the FLA. #
• despite a dip in the ocean yesterday, my iPhone earbuds still work! well, one bud works, the other bud and the volume control not so much. #
• you know you've bought some fireworks when the guy selling them (at a place called extreme fireworks) says "whoa – you guys are serious." #
• time for one last dip in the ocean for 2009. the wet suit is on again! #
• going for a beach walk. I always like to center myself before commencing with the beer drinking. #
• beach walk called off. instead, i'm watching spongebob with seven little kids. #
• new year's eve beer drinking has begun! the goal now: get the kids in bed as soon as possible. #

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• 6:21pm and I have not yet had a beer. calling 911 now. #
• just tangled with the stairmaster – while watching Kung Fu Panda. life could be worse. #
• here's what's on the docket for today: take the kids to the ripley's believe it or not museum (freaks!) then swimming then beer drinking! #
• about to put on the wet suit once again to go frolic on the ocean like an idiot. #
• I am naked and briney! time for a shower – then beer. #
• is there a sadder sight than three 40 year old guys frolicking in wet suits in the surf? probably, but I'm not sure what. #
• dang, just realized I went into the ocean with my iPhone earbuds in the pocket of my swim suit. time for new ones. #

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• time to work off last night's beer and cake. my ass feels a bit chunky. #
• done sweating! now time for a donut. #
• I'm back in the wet suit! ready to flop around in the cold ocean. #
• giving the girls a vacation beat down in clue. I show no mercy. #
• loading up on coffee before tapping beer, i.e. living the life! #

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• wait – the jets beat the colts?! oh come on now… #
• feels wrong to have to turn on the heat in Florida. #
• drinking coffee in florida. seems to taste the same here. #
• look at me exercising on vacation. anything to keep those beer calories off my hips. #
• about to put on a wet suit for the first time. the line forms to the right, ladies. #
• I shouldn't have bought mrs chumworth that flip video camera for christmas. now there's a video of me in a wet suit that must be deleted. #
• wow – just spent $430 at the winn dixie on food and booze. that oughta hold us until wednesday. #
• we've been able to score to good here in FLA: harpoon, dogfish head, etc. my complements to the governor! #

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• heading out of town first thing tomorrow with the family. flying with two little kids – what could go wrong? #
• at Logan airport waiting to depart for FLA! nipples hard – and not just because of the chill. #
• the wife planned a surprise trip to FLA for us because I'm turning a certain age that ends in zero and that's where you go when you're old. #
• there's a woman on the plane bitching about screaming kids on the flight. she's making far more noise than any kid. shut up, lady. #
• the chumworths have arrived in Florida! you've been warned… #
• now that we're in Florida, breakfast means two words: waffle house! #
• I've been hornswoggled by the wife! we get to Florida to find friends have flown down to join us. beer me! #
• almost forgot – the steelers spanked the ravens! nice job boys! #

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• the girls were asking to play rockband beatles at 7:30 this morning. i said no; it's for their own safety, otherwise mama might kill them. #
• the girls are arguing over which is the better restaurant: chiles or the 99. they both serve beer so i'm neutral. #
• heading out to family meal at a restaurant. those who don't learn from the past…etc. #
• RR New IT Underworld toon is up! Christmas Eve in the North Pole IT department http://bit.ly/8jgXaD #

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My Christmas Eve IT Underworld cartoon.

Merry (belated) Christmas!

Tags: cartoon, Christmas, egg nog, Santa

• santa chumworth has moved from beer to wine. he needs a designated sleigh driver. #
• the 7 year old just poured a glass of fat free milk for santa. i suggested a beer but she didn't listen. #
• watching the empire strikes back. it's easy to forget that at one time warp speed, talking droids and wookies were all fiction. #
• well, the kids are in bed and the presents are wrapped and under the tree. just a few hours now until the kids are up and disappointed. #
• seven words: mrs chumworth got a snuggie for christmas. lucky gal! #
• presents opened – check. tears shed – check. standard chrismas day activities accomplished – check. #
• grandma chumworth and aunt chumworth have outfitted us with a wii – and rockband beatles. good lord. #
• time for the big Christmas meal! we're having beer and … some sort of food. #

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• i just realized this is the first time in almost 10 years that i don't have a tv show to write jokes for… the thought is making me gassy. #
• it's 8:21pm and the kids are still up. calling 911… #
• working from home AND wearing pants. #
• nice job by the senate passing a health care reform bill. we're one step closer to letting me live a less healthy life! #
• the 7 year old is cranking the dave brubeck and the 10 year old is floating some stinky biscuits. family time! #
• New IT Underworld toon is up! Christmas Eve in the North Pole IT department http://bit.ly/8jgXaD #
• time to begin preliminary work on the christmas eve homemade pizza! #
• the best christmas present i ever got? easy. hands down, no question – stretch armstrong: http://tinyurl.com/azc3yw #
• the christmas eve pizza dough is rising! assembly will take place later after proper rise time. now drinking. #

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One of my recent IT Underworld cartoons… Merry Christmas!

Tags: cartoon, Christmas, Grinch, Windows

• we're almost out of A1 sauce. i'm resisting the urge to call 911. #
• this wine is making me thirsty – for more wine. #
• my flannel christmas tree boxer undershorts are clean! christmas has come early. #
• just ate fudge. good thing bikini season is a few months away. #
• Tiger Woods has been voted the PGA Player of the Year. Here's the funny thing – it had nothing to do with his golf game. #
• ate oatmeal and wheat toast for breakfast. may as well start pricing a move to del boca vista. #
• forget healthcare – when is obama going to do something about bananas that don't peel easily? it's becoming an epidemic. #
• President Obama was interviewd by NPR today. Smart move because if there's one group that he needs to win over it's public radio listeners. #
• my kids keep asking me what i want for christmas and i keep saying "peace and quiet." they think i'm joking. #
• this was inevitable: just got word that @jimmyfallon will no longer take freelance submissions. i've been fired again! #
• attention gentlemen: those earmuffs that wrap around the back of your head look just as dumb as regular earmuffs. #

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• drinking wine from a very small glass, which makes me classy as hell. #
• i know he won a super bowl and all but eli manning still looks like a kid who got wedgied and stuffed into lockers regularly. #
• once obama finally wraps up health care reform, the next thing he has to overhaul is the "c'mon man" segment on MNF. #
• Susan Boyle is being considered to sing the theme song for the next Bond movie. Even better news: she's not being considered as a Bond girl. #
• here we go again. another day, another kick in the nuts. #
• RR New @ITUnderworld cartoon is up! The help desk finds religion in Android http://bit.ly/6aa3Pm #
• drinking tea which means i have obviously just given the hell up. #
• oooh – 4:20! time to roll. #

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• the chumworth family holiday cards and letter are ready to go! this year's letter is rated PG-13. just a heads up. #
• TOUCHDOWN!!!!!!!!! i just wet myself. #steelers #
• wow – that was just about all i could say. wow. big ben does it again! i'll take it. #steelers #
• winter sucks. note to self: move closer to equator. #
• Jon and Kate Gosselin are officially divorced after 10 years of marriage. She gets custody of the kids, he gets custody of the babysitter. #
• if michael jackson were still alive i could make a joke out of this: White women have the highest ave life expectancy in the U.S. of 80.7. #
• New @ITUnderworld cartoon is up! The help desk finds religion in Android http://bit.ly/6aa3Pm #
• chewing gum in a fruitless attempt to look cool. perhaps i'd look cooler if it wasn't sugar free. #

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• uh oh – the kids are reading the family letter i wrote to send out with the holiday cards. i forgot they can read now. #
• watching the "diaper cleaner" episode of dirty jobs. in related news, i'm no longer hungry. #
• why do i always get congested on saturday night? #
• looks like just a few inches of snow out there – but enough to be annoying. mother nature can suck it. #
• mrs chumworth is boiling eggs. she's stealing my act. #
• trying to gird my loins to go outside and clear the driveway. although, to be honest, my loins are naturally pretty girded. #
• time to go make mother nature my bitch. #
• roasting a chicken, gonna watch the steelers-packers and pray for a miracle #
• hey look – TOUCHDOWN!!!! almost forgot what that's like. #steelers #
• we score again! yee-haw! the nips are getting hard – and not because of the cold. #steelers #
• WIDE RIGHT! eat cheese, packer fans! mmm, cheese. #steelers #

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• <—- here we go! #
• drinking beer and rubbing my facial hair. things are getting wild here… #
• big news: the local booze store is once again stocking dogfish head 60 minute IPA! praise jesus. #
• i'm making my own naughty and nice lists this year. so far, the naughty list is far longer. nice going, people. #
• watching elf yet again. never gets old. #
• chinese food is here! thank you people's republic! #
• ok, well, the chinese food seemed like a good idea at the time. now, not so much. #
• time to make the oatmeal. still living the dream. #
• almost time to start thinking about Christmas presents for the wife. almost. #
• survived both christmas AND grocery shopping. i deserve a beer or three. #
• supposedly it's going to snow tonight. luckily, we are well stocked with booze, coffee and nilla wafers. bring it on! #
• <— beer time! #
• waiting for the snow to start falling so i can give it the finger. #
• i cut myself shaving today. i won't say where, only that it's north of the equator. #
• just threatened the 7 year old with a time out if she doesn't quit farting. #

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• ooops – broke a wine glass. don't nobody tell mrs chumworth. #
• mrs chumworth was in the house for 5 minutes before the 7 year old blabbed about me breaking the wine glass. she's out of the will. #
• the holiday cards are here and the family holiday letter is written! this weekend we stuff and mail – and drink beer. #
• the commuter train smells like urine again. can't you people hold it? #
• Tiger Woods has recently been golfing at night. Golfing is good therapy since it's the thing he does best – well, the second best thing. #
• nine minutes until lunch o'clock. not that i'm counting down or anything. #
• with each email that i remove from my work inbox, my stomach hurts a little less. #
• i thought i was the only one… RT @DadGoneMad I'm going to take a drug test this morning. I'm pretty sure I'll test positive for AWESOME! #
• almost time to fly! and by "fly" i mean go home and drink beer. #
• dear friday: oh how I love you. unlike that annoying tease thursday, you put out. #

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• Even Santa Claus is now going green. This year for the first time, all the bad little kids will get clean burning coal in their stockings. #
• holy crap it is cold out there. i've been indoors for 30 minutes already and my boogers have yet to defrost. #
• i refuse to refer to a staff meeting as a "staffer," but that's just me. #
• just saw a guy on the street with toilet paper hanging out of his pants. it does happen. #
• mrs chumworth is out again tonight, leaving me to feed and care for offspring all by myself (i.e. punishing me). #

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• 10 days to christmas and the kids are getting desperate. the 7 year old wrote santa a real suck-up letter today. santa sees through that. #
• well, here's another day that's got a high probability of sucking. #
• Tiger Woods' wife has hired a divorce lawyer. This may be the best thing for Tiger – you know, getting divorced and settling down. #
• just learned that hawaii doesn't observe daylight savings time. right – why would they? it's not perfect enough there as it is? #
• i think i know which of santa's lists tiger woods is on this year… #

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• on the train to work and ready for my daily ass-kicking. let's get this over with. #
• Courtney Love lost custody of her 17-yr-old daughter after a long period of unstable conduct. It was a pretty long period – about 45 years. #
• 9:42 am and i'm ready to pack it in for the day. unfortunately, i still have so much of my magic yet to be worked today. sigh. #
• who needs a hug? not me. no way. well, maybe a quick one. #
• serenity now! or later. just sometime, please. #
• A Texas man was arrested for breaking into a house after police found him there taking a bath. He was charged with breaking & exfoliating. #

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• if you're trying to decide what to get me for christmas, a lobotomy would be good. #
• got a very strong 8 1/2 hours of sleep last night! i am fresh as a daisy and ready to be bitch-slapped by monday. #
• The Tiger Woods scandal will now be adapted into an adult film. They say it'll be pretty to true to the real story – but less dirty. #
• 8 1/2 hours of refreshing sunday night sleep have already been undone by four hours of monday morning. thanks, monday. #
• There are only 10 more shopping days until Christmas! Or, for you guys, only nine more procrastinating days. #
• christmas shopping tip for you fellas to make it as quick as possible: always shop with a full bladder. you'll be done in no time. #
• from @SportsGuy33: the 12 % Theory: every childbirth makes a woman 12 percent less sane until the kids can fully function on their own. #
• the christmas tree has been up and decorated for 24 hours. broken ornament count: 2. we're on pace for a new record. #

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• <— getting my drink on! #
• just blanched tomatoes for the first time in my life. today i am a man! #
• champange, sparkling wine, whatever. long as it's got alcohol. #
• just ordered the holiday cards! for the record, mrs chumworth wouldn't let me put "happy whatever!" on them. #
• the 7 year old is running around the house pantless. don't know where she got that move from. #
• made the 7 year old put on pants. i set such a bad example. #
• mrs chumworth and 7 year old decorating tree. i'm eating pretzels. #
• house being invaded tonight by a bunch of women. i will be cowering on the third floor. #

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• <— it's time for this! i need to warm my bod up. some parts of me need more warming up than others. #
• a certain someone MAY be going back to the BIG EASY in early february. not definite, but looks promising! i could use the beads. #
• drinking beer and watching rudolph with the kids. party! #
• up watching "santa claus is coming to town" with the kids. just between us, jessica – the future mrs claus – is pretty hot. #
• time to gather up the troops and go get the christmas tree! this has emergency room visit written all over it. #
• RR new IT Underworld cartoon posted! the Windows Christmas Screen of Death: http://tinyurl.com/ydxqnle #
• the tree is up! not to brag, but i am a true master at putting up the tree. #
• putting lights on tree and watching a christmas story. i now identify completely with darren mcgavin. i have turned into the old man. #

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• heading home after some quality boozing and eating. good thing it's friday. #
• well, once again the commuter train smells like a giant urinal cake. nice going, people. #
• wait – it's friday? i thought yesterday was friday. dang – screwed again. #
• new IT Underworld cartoon posted! the Windows Christmas Screen of Death: http://tinyurl.com/ydxqnle #
• gotta lotta crap done this morning and now here i am getting a whole bunch of shit done this afternoon. sweet! #
• Playboy just launched an iPhone app with no nudity. So, I guess we'll finally found out how many guys really do read it for the articles. #

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• 7 year old is reading me dr seuss books while i work on a cartoon. not a bad way to spend an evening. #
• the 10 year old is out at a party. she already has a better social life than i do. #
• accidentally bit my cheek during breakfast this morning – and i'm still going into work. #
• Tiger Woods’ mistress, Jamiee Grubbs, apologized to his wife on Extra last night. She still hasn't apologized to his other mistresses. #
• President Obama was in Oslo for less than 24 hours today to accept his Nobel Peace Prize. Apparently it was "wham, bam, thank you, Sven." #
• i have turkey sandwich breath. time to go freshen up. #
• it's almost beer o'clock! #
• heading out for booze and food. mrs chumworth is on her own with the kiddos tonight. hope she can handle the little monsters. #

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• 10 year old wacked noggin here at home, opened up a good cut. lots of blood, but no stitches required. drama alert currently at code red. #
• mrs chumworth ran the dishwasher when it was full of dishes that were already clean. now she has to be nice to me or i'll tell al gore. #
• i'm actually looking forward to my bowl of oatmeal in the morning. it's all over for me. #
• well, ok, i'm actually glad to be on the train weather in this weather, nmatter what my fellow commuters smell like. #
• well, ok, i'm actually glad to be on the train in this weather, no matter what my fellow commuters smell like. #
• the train ride in was fine, but the walk from the station to the office sucked the big one. i'm flipping the bird to mother nature. #
• i think i need to blow dry my pants. #
• Obama is the 3rd sitting prez to win a Peace Prize, after Teddy Roosevelt & Woodrow Wilson. Each time Joan Rivers worked the red carpet. #
• eating pretzels on the commuter train, i.e. multitasking again. #
• first draft of chumworth family holiday letter almost done. celebrity mentions include tiger woods, sarah palin and norma desmond. #
• mel torme is crooning on the radio right now or, as my mom calls him, the velvet frog. #

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• just boiled water, which explains the acrid smoke now filling the house. #
• the "c'mon man!" segment on the monday night football pregame show is the single dumbest thing on TV. ever. #
• looks like my main output of the day will be of the boogery variety. #
• Matt Lauer and Al Roker anchored the “Today” show from Afghanistan today. Shortly afterwards the Taliban said they give up. #
• Oprah Winfrey has reportedly asked Tiger Woods to appear on her show for an interview. He's still talking it over with his caddy. #
• i'm trying a new sandwich for lunch today. pray for me. #
• if the word "public" factors into your regular work emails, that fact that it's only one letter away from "pubic" can be problematic. #
• ok – just came up with the concept for this year's chumworth family holiday letter. whew! now i just need to write it. #

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• time to start writing the annual chumworth family holiday letter. after weeding out the embarrassing stuff there ain't much left. #
• Police in Pennsylvania are searching for a man who robbed a bank dressed up as Santa Claus. They say he should be considered armed & jolly. #
• dear dark chocolate holiday m&ms: you… complete… me. #
• gotta take the car in today which means i'm working from home which means i'm charge of the kids which means i'm screwed. #
• working from home means one thing: unabated access to the toaster waffles. #
• just turned up the heat in the house. take that, al gore. #
• hmmm, it's almost noon. i assume mrs chumworth will be coming home any minute from work to make me lunch. #
• must be the holiday season; everybody seems pissed off. #
• almost time to pick the kids up from school. i have to otherwise mrs chumworth will yell at me. #
• 5:00 and mrs chumworth is still not home to relieve me from kid duty. i'm starting to hyperventilate. #
• the 10 yr old had to design a new country for geography. she came up with meat island. the capital is sausage city. that's my kid. #

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• house being trashed by kids. send help. or beer. #
• ooof – it's the day after the big chumworth family holiday party. my liver isn't happy. #
• gonna try and forget my football woes by grilling some bird meat. #

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• beginning holiday party decoration whilst drinking this: http://tinyurl.com/2n4fl8 #
• the neighbor has his big dumb, inflatable snowman up. or, as i call him, the happy snowman: http://tinyurl.com/yzha686 #
• the kids are in bed. who says miracles don't happen? #
• just ordered pizza. life is good. #
• mrs chumworth bought a dozen red wine glasses today. somebody's gonna have to start drinking more to justify this extravagance. #
• hey – my cartoon about the White House crashers is on the Open Salon home page today! Right under @lizadonnelly's http://open.salon.com #
• we are in full party prep mode. large crowd in invading in a few hours. time to hide the valuables. #
• we have christmas music, a ton of booze and a spiral cut ham. we are ready to party! #

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• good thing broccoli doesn't make you gassy, otherwise that big helping i just ate would be trouble for the whole house. #
• new IT Underworld cartoon is up! Uncomfortable moments in business history: http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
• crap – forgot to bring in a piece of fruit for my mid-morning snack. this will throw my whole day off. damn my healthy ways. #
• RR new IT Underworld cartoon is up! whoops – forgot my dongle! http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
• good lord, beer o'clock can't come soon enough. #
• work week over. now to go on booze run for the big chumworth holiday bash tomorrow night! #

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• good thing broccoli doesn't make you gassy, otherwise that big helping i just ate would be trouble for the whole house. #
• new IT Underworld cartoon is up! Uncomfortable moments in business history: http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
• crap – forgot to bring in a piece of fruit for my mid-morning snack. this will throw my whole day off. damn my healthy ways. #
• RR new IT Underworld cartoon is up! whoops – forgot my dongle! http://tinyurl.com/ykztbtm #
• good lord, beer o'clock can't come soon enough. #
• work week over. now to go on booze run for the big chumworth holiday bash tomorrow night! #

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• back from the 10 year old's chorus performance at school. she admitted to farting on stage. nice. #
• i gotta to get to bed on time tonight. beauty sleep just ain't something i can afford to miss out on. #
• i don't sense a lot of asses getting kicked today, aside from mine. #
• sweet lord it is unseasonably warm in boston today. time to undo a few buttons on my shirt and flash some heavage. #
• this is weird; i'm wearing this exact same shirt today: http://tinyurl.com/5r4vjw #

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• TLC has a new series about BBQ Pitmasters. i think nostradamus predicted that. #
• about to polish off the last of the turkey leftovers. first, a moment of silence. #
• the 7 year old has a cold and is a little snot factory. she takes after the old man. #
• 3 minutes until president obama announces he's sending more troops to tiger woods' house. #
• both of our kids have taken to using the word "chillaxin'". clearly we have failed miserably as parents. #
• i'm only kicking ass today. taking names just uses up valuable ass kicking time. #
• i walked into my 10 year old's room this morning, took one whiff, and immediately turned around and walked back out. #
• making the thursday boston globe crossword puzzle my bitch. #

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• TLC has a new series about BBQ Pitmasters. i think nostradamus predicted that. #
• about to polish off the last of the turkey leftovers. first, a moment of silence. #
• the 7 year old has a cold and is a little snot factory. she takes after the old man. #
• 3 minutes until president obama announces he's sending more troops to tiger woods' house. #
• both of our kids have taken to using the word "chillaxin'". clearly we have failed miserably as parents. #
• i'm only kicking ass today. taking names just uses up valuable ass kicking time. #
• i walked into my 10 year old's room this morning, took one whiff, and immediately turned around and walked back out. #
• making the thursday boston globe crossword puzzle my bitch. #

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• time for another meal of thanksgiving leftovers. mmmm! #
• finishing my first cartoon with my new bamboo pen and wacom tablet whilst watching pats-saints pregame. all this while wearing pants. #
• hey – i just counted 12 guys on the defense for the pats… no, wait, vince wilfork just looks like two guys. #patriots #
• i think i just saw a waterboy on the pats' sideline squirting gravy into vince wilfork's mouth. #patriots #
• well, the game ain't even half over but so far the pats look like tiger woods and the saints look like tiger woods' wife with a 2-wood. #
• new cartoon posted. a week late, but what the hell. the dinner crasher: http://tinyurl.com/yhn7ssk #
• RR: ok, i have made ALL of the jokes i ever submitted to david letterman available on my web site: http://tinyurl.com/yz85fdw #
• fine. i will go get lunch. no need to twist my arm. #
• work is causing a large pain in my neck – literally. the pain in my ass is, so far, only figurative. #
• calgon, take me away! er, BEER, take me away! #
• the work week is now 40 percent over! not that I'm counting or anything. #

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