Tags: Barack Obama, cartoon, Dr. Manmohan Singh, India, Joe Biden, Secret Service, stat dinner, White House

• well, we all survived family dinner. some of us, however, may not survive bath time. #
• every time i hear tony sparano talk i keep waiting for him to say "ditka". #
• concussion, conschmussion. if big ben was able to zip his fly he should be starting tonight. #steelers #
• just polished off the last piece of thanksgiving apple pie. let me just say that mrs chumworth knows how to make one kick ass pie. #
• SWEEEET JESUS! TOUCHDOWN!!!!!! dennis dixon! my nips have hardened just a tad. #steelers #
• gimme an F! gimme a U! gimme a C! gimme a K! what's that spell?! right – monday. #
• just started the work day by killing a mongo cockroach in the work kitchen. perfect. #
• not much sucks more than a monday at work – except for maybe your wife chasing you down the driveway with a three iron. #
• the library is hounding me about an overdue book. i may need to enter the library protection program. #

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• kids in bed. the celebration is now beginning! #
• a boy named Charlie Brown on abc family. the classics never get old. #
• time to work my magic with the family checkbook. see – nothing up my sleeve… #
• finally, i am interested in reading about tiger woods. #
• about to clean the crapper – topless. #
• the house is getting cleaner; the chumworth is getting dirtier. #
• family – can't live with em, can't waterboard em. unless you're dick cheney. #
• once again tonight we will attempt family dinner. once again it'll end with someone in tears – me. #

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• mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kids. so, we're watching planes, trains and automobiles. #
• i am heartened by just how much my kids enjoyed "planes, trains and automobiles." perhaps there is hope for the future. #
• just watched gran torino. clint eastwood: still a badass. #
• time to go all clark griswold (i.e. put up the christmas lights)! #
• we've got about 80mph winds going here. seems like the right time to get up on a ladder to hang Christmas lights. #
• the kids are making gingerbread houses downstairs. i'm afraid to look at the resulting mess… #
• once again i have been left home alone with the kids. this isn't helping my drinking. #
• it is THAT time, people! (drinking gesture) #

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• thanksgiving meal – check. thanksgiving cleanup – check. thanksgiving gas – double check. #
• watching home alone with the kids. it's a shame macaulay culkin ever had to hit puberty. #
• i may have the day off, but my boogers sure don't. #
• heading to home depot for christmas lights and to generally peruse manly things. #
• wife somehow suckered me into going swimming with the kids at the Y. it's the same trick she used to get me to have kids in the first place. #
• back from swimming with the kids. nobody drowned so, hey, mission accomplished! #
• time to scrub the chlorine and swine flu residue from the Y-pool off of my body. #

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• thanksgiving meal – check. thanksgiving cleanup – check. thanksgiving gas – double check. #
• watching home alone with the kids. it's a shame macaulay culkin ever had to hit puberty. #
• i may have the day off, but my boogers sure don't. #
• heading to home depot for christmas lights and to generally peruse manly things. #
• wife somehow suckered me into going swimming with the kids at the Y. it's the same trick she used to get me to have kids in the first place. #
• back from swimming with the kids. nobody drowned so, hey, mission accomplished! #
• time to scrub the chlorine and swine flu residue from the Y-pool off of my body. #

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• looks like @jimmyfallon is taping a show tomorrow. that means joke writing for me. not that any will get used, but, eh, what the hell. #
• just got the thanksgiving day run in. now time to make coffee and start seasoning my giblets. #
• it is time to prepare the bird. time to break out my "kiss the cook" apron. #
• the bird is ready for the oven, the giblets are simmering, the bread is baking and – drum roll, please – mrs chumworth is UP! #
• due to the swine flu, this year we'll be basting the turkey with purel. can't be too careful. #
• it's not thanksgiving until one of the kids accidentally nails me in the jewels. thanks to the 7 year old, it's now officially thanksgiving. #
• the whole family is here! the beer has been tapped and the bird is coming along. time to put on pants, i guess. #
• oh my – that was some feast! Thank goodness for dead birds. up next: pie! #

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• hitting the sack soon. big day tomorrow: gotta do the thanksgiving booze run. #
• listening to the kids get dressed for school. the 7 year old likes to announce each item as she puts it on, e.g. "socks!" funny. #
• the kids are only at school for two hours today. time to cram in real work. #
• RR my thanksgiving IT Underworld cartoon is up! if MS ran the BB turkey talk-line: http://tinyurl.com/ygt75dl #
• Rio has banned the sale of coconuts on beaches because they’re an unhygienic eye-sore. It's the same reason they've banned banana hammocks. #
• the kids are home from school already. there's no way that should count for a whole day of education. #
• ok, i have made ALL of the jokes i ever submitted to david letterman available on my web site: http://tinyurl.com/yz85fdw #
• the house is already awash in the smells of thanksgiving. either that or one of the kids farted. #
• making bread for tomorrow! speaking of yeast, time for an adult beverage. #

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• the kids are in bed! i still have the urge to bust out the champagne right about this time every night. #
• The Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade this year will feature 800 clowns. It'll be the biggest collection of clowns outside of Congress. #
• Fun Thanksgiving fact: a turkey has about 70 percent white meat and 30 percent dark meat. Wait, I'm sorry, that's a fun Sammy Sosa fact. #
• joe lieberman needs a serious wedgie. i'm thinking one of the atomic variety. #
• my thanksgiving IT Underworld cartoon is up! if MS ran the BB turkey talk-line: http://tinyurl.com/ygt75dl #
• old friend coming over for dinner tonight along with his THREE DAUGHTERS (including twins). got the booze all ready for him (and me). #

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What better way to celebrate Thanksgiving – the best holiday of the year (well, aside from Super Bowl Sunday) – than with a cartoon?

To that end, imagine what the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line would be like if it were manned by the Microsoft support staff? Maybe something like this:

That’s my latest IT Underworld cartoon, a weekly tune that I do for ITWorld.com. If you like it be sure to tell your friends, family and neighbors. Heck, feel free to also Digg it. I won’t object.

Any love you can show it is greatly appreciated.

Have a great Thanksgiving! I hope you’ll be doing what I’ll be doing – eating and drinking myself silly. Remember, if you don’t, then the terrorists win.

Tags: Butterball, cartoon, Digg, IT Underworld, ITWorld, Microsoft, Super Bowl, Thanksgiving, turkey

• the bengals lost to the raiders? ha! well, something good happened today! #
• the good news is it's a short work week. the bad news is it still starts with a monday. #
• got another date with a medical professional this morning. good thing health care is free in this country or i'd be screwed. #
• medical appointment over. now waiting for train to work. still living dream. #
• note to self: commuters on the 9:44 train are fresher smelling than those on the 7:30 train. #
• President Obama’s job approval rating is down to 48%. His approval rating is so low it's starting to affect how he pronounces "nuclear". #
• martha stewart will be on sirius channel 112 all day wedneday. note to self: avoid sirius channel 112 on wednesday. #

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• about to go burn wood and drink beer. what could go wrong? #
• mmmm – beer and toasted marshmallows. #
• sunday! inhaling coffee. #
• making the kids clean their room (i.e. spoiling them again). #
• time to trim the nasal hairs. #
• the steelers are announcing their presence in KC with authority. yawn. #
• wait a minute – i didn't make people magazine's list of the 110 sexiest men alive?! a certain someone was yanking my chain. #
• uh, did we just lose to the chiefs? ok, so much for football season. #

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• i like beer. #
• funkhouser! still the funniest character on TV. #
• time to do to the final leaf raking for the season. first i start with some pre-raking groin stretching. #

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• here's today's schedule: attend parent-teacher conference for 10 year old, work from home, drink beer. #
• i'm in the office upstairs trying to work, the kids are downstairs doing crafts. what could go wrong? #
• brain about to explode again. #
• turns out that working from home doesn't make me look forward to lunch any less than working in the office. #
• just took the kids on a booze run. don't tell the father of the year committee. #
• OPRAH'S IS ENDING HER TALK SHOW IN 2011!!!! CHRISTMAS HAS COME EARLY! #
• new IT Underworld cartoon: droid vs. iphone: http://tinyurl.com/ylf4ga9 #
• doing a little work on the old windows laptop here at home. feels like using a rotary phone. #
• letting kids watch space chimps while they eat dinner. this'll put me back on top of father-of-the-year standings. #

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• in honor of the three stooges i do believe i will start calling people "puddin' head" when they deserve it. #
• the wife is out, the kids are in bed. now doing what comes naturally to a grown man alone: watching TV show on WWII. #
• yesterday i had the kids arguing over which one would get to take of mrs chum and i in old age. my plan is coming together perfectly. #
• some genius at MIT should invent a car that can run on boogers. i've got an endless supply. talk about a renewable energy source. #
• i'm getting a bulletin board here at work. i love bulletin boards! i'd like to cover every wall in our house with bulletin boards. #
• please, don't ever let me get that particular sandwich again. #
• why is my university always hitting me up for money? it's like having an extra brother-in-law. #
• does ibuprofen cure the pain caused by poor life choices? i think i need a double dose. #

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• in honor of the three stooges i do believe i will start calling people "puddin' head" when they deserve it. #
• the wife is out, the kids are in bed. now doing what comes naturally to a grown man alone: watching TV show on WWII. #
• yesterday i had the kids arguing over which one would get to take of mrs chum and i in old age. my plan is coming together perfectly. #
• some genius at MIT should invent a car that can run on boogers. i've got an endless supply. talk about a renewable energy source. #
• i'm getting a bulletin board here at work. i love bulletin boards! i'd like to cover every wall in our house with bulletin boards. #
• please, don't ever let me get that particular sandwich again. #
• why is my university always hitting me up for money? it's like having an extra brother-in-law. #
• does ibuprofen cure the pain caused by poor life choices? i think i need a double dose. #

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• mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kiddos again. clearly she is desperate to get out of the house. #
• crap, it's only wednesday. #
• Levi Johnston will not show frontal nudity in his upcoming Playgirl photo spread. That's not surprising; it is pretty cold in Alaska. #
• just got word that mrs chum is one again heading out tonight leaving me alone with … THEM. oh lord help me. #

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• working on a new cartoon. one word: dongle. #
• just attended parent-teacher conference for our 7 year old. she only got a Good – instead of Excellent – in nuclear physics. disappointing. #
• my fellow train commuters this morning smell like a combination of moth balls and skunked booze. nice going, people. #
• i don't know why i ever bother getting out of bed – aside from avoiding bed sores. #
• god help me i ate another wrap for lunch today. what's happened to me? #
• fiction should be illegal. non-fiction is where it's at. #
• lights are out on the commuter rail. hopefully I don't get groped. #

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• i was busy all day at a family function. how much did the steelers win by? #
• 6:59pm: i'm ready for bed. #
• looks like december has come early for tony romo. #
• i hereby award pats coach bill belichick the boner of the month award for that call on 4th and 2. smooth move, exlax. #
• mondays: proof that if there is a god he (or she) is an angry, vengeful god. bad god! #
• President Obama arrived in Beijing today on his 1st trip to China. He says he feels right at home – surrounded by American jobs and money. #
• RR: time for a new IT Underworld cartoon, Bing-style: http://tinyurl.com/yzrs9n2 #
• my stomach is itchy. not sure what that means. #
• note to self: book trip to antarctica. bring drill. and glass. http://tinyurl.com/ylgovhu #
• the commuter train smells like a urinal cake – and not a fresh one. #

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• sunday! time for a new IT Underworld cartoon, Bing-style: http://tinyurl.com/yzrs9n2 #

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• home alone with the 7 year old. i can handle this. i think. #
• am i becoming attracted to the progressive insurance woman? no, of course not. #
• getting new tires at BJs. the per tire price is good but you have to buy an 18 pack of them. #
• these scrubbing bubble really do get the most stubborn grime off – and that's just on the kids. #
• reason number 8,752 why i am indispensable around here: the ice cube trays don't fill themselves. #
• i think mrs chumworth has run away – with the newer car, no less. #
• <— i have assumed the position! #

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• look at me reading popular mechanics like a real man. #
• scratch that last message about being manly. just ate a black bean veggie burger. now feeling less manly than Chaz Bono. #
• finally on board return flight home. beer helps pass the time. #
• wheels down in Boston! whew. long day. shoot – gotta put the trash out when I get home. the work never ends. #
• friday the 13th – who cares? i'm not afraid of a number. little kids – particularly mine – i'm afraid of those. but not a number. #
• “2012” came out today. It's a movie about the end of the world – so, I guess there won't be a sequel. #
• ok, so i remembered to bring my dongle on the work trip yesterday – but i brought the WRONG dongle. awkward! #
• if there's a story in the news about Lake Titicaca, do i even need to bother writing a punchline? #
• how much do i like lunch? quite a bit. #

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• just used a semi-colon in a cartoon. probably incorrectly. i claim artistic license. #
• just when i was ready to declare "curb your enthusiasm" dead – along comes the "black swan" episode. best episode in quite some time. #
• ok, gotta get up early and head to the airport for my day trip to DC. time for some beauty winks. #
• at logan airport waiting to fly to washington, use free, google-sponsored airport wifi. thanks google! #
• reviewing @jimmyfallon's monologue from last night on airport wifi. still living dream. #
• waiting to board flight to DC. who doesn't love being packed in a steel tube with strangers? #
• on board the plane. thanfully, my fellow passengers looke like a non-smelly bunch. bravo people! #
• flight departure delayed because one of the crappers is busted. not a good sign. #
• wheels down in Dulles! no sign yet of my sweetie Michelle Obama. #
• forgot about these shuttle things here at Dulles. still no sign of MO. she's playing hard to get. I like it. #
• meetings over in DC. heading back to airport to try and catch earlier flight home. need beer. #
• turns out there are no earlier flights back home, so I'm at the airport way early. looks like I'll to have to kill time at the bar. #

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• put tabasco sauce on my eggs this morning. based on how tired i am i should've put it down my pants. #
• quick biz trip to DC and back tomorrow. all i need are pants and my dongle and i should be good to go. #
• time to really make some hay. not sure what that means. #
• another sign that playing golf should be considered a capitol offense (like we need another one): http://tinyurl.com/ydjtjq9 #
• febreze really needs to come out with a product just for commuter rail trains. #

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• i am ready for some football – and more wine. #
• sorry bronco fans, but i have put on my fleece football pants. you don't stand a chance. you may as well go to bed now. #
• nothing builds a man's confidence in his football team's chances than seeing kyle orton warming up for the opposition. #steelers #
• holy crap! brent mussberger, phyllis george and IRV CROSS on MNF! wow. i am speechless. where's jimmy the greek? #steelers #
• one kid down. halfway to nirvana… #
• the steelers make the big third down play; the broncos kick a field goal – total chick move. #steelers #
• way to punt boys! #steelers #
• 2 minutes left in the first quarter and mrs chumworth is already asleep on the couch. course, i haven't started cursing yet. #steelers #
• KYLE ORTON!!! i LOVE him! #steelers #
• halftime with the steelers winning! i believe i shall go powder my nose … and a few other things. #
• all of a sudden i have gas. #steelers #
• touchdown! my gas is gone. #steelers #
• the steelers are announcing their presence with authority. no shock there. #steelers #
• TOUCHDOWN!!! watch and learn from the champs, broncos. #steelers #
• i'm officially embarrassed for the broncos. #steelers #
• another touchdown! yawn. hines ward = winner. this game was even easier than i thought it would be. time for some winks. #steelers #
• gotta drag the bundles of joy to school; then off to the doc for a "procedure" and THEN go to work. pinch me. #
• the doctor came at me with a blade again. i'm starting to think she enjoys this. #
• Sesame Street turns 40 today. You can tell the cast is getting older; today's show was brought to you by the letters A A R and P. #
• almost time for drinks! #

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• mrs chumworth has left me alone with the kids for the evening. what could go wrong? #
• watching hannah montana with the girls. send help. #
• well, this day is going to suck. #
• i love the looks on the faces of people waiting for the train on monday morning. it's like the waiting room at a proctologist's office. #
• time to fill out the old expense report for last week's trip to portland. looks like "full body massage" will go under "other expenses." #
• allow me to revise my earlier statement: this day is not sucking. instead, it is blowing. #
• 20 years ago today the Berlin Wall fell. I think we all remember where we were when we heard that news – except for Paula Abdul. #
• home for beer, dinner, football, cartooning and – my true talents – husbanding and fathering! #

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• big night tonight: 10 year old performs in "seussical the musical". first of five shows. wife is making me wear pants to the show. #
• seussical the musical intermission. oldest child doing great. I sense I may be able to retire off of her talents one day. #
• house passes health care reform bill! sweet – now i can finally take up smoking! #hcr #
• wife and kids are out of the house so i'm doing what comes naturally to a man alone: watching football pregame shows. #
• just rotated the mattresses – my talents never end. #
• the 7 year old and i are going out for a treat. i suppose i'll get suckered into paying again. #
• about to give 7 year old a major beat down in spongebob life. it'll build character. #
• new IT Underworld cartoon posted: upgrading to 802.11n – the old school way: http://tinyurl.com/yhsq6pd #

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• drinking beer, trying to forget about this grand jury thing. #
• loading up on coffee in prep for leaf raking. looks cold enough out there for pants. #
• barely survived four hours of leaf raking. now for a big dose of ibuprofen and a shower. i stink. #
• based on the performance of the local teens who pack bags at the supermarket, i weep for our country's future. #

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• at Portland airport having my pre-flight oatmeal. still living dream. #
• on board Alaska airlines flight to Boston. you can almost see the swine flu in the air. #
• let's hear it for exit row seating! lots of room for my long gams. #
• ok, looks like we're all on board. I'm ready to be pampered, coach-class style. #
• next tweet will be from Boston. I'm sure these next 6 hours will just zip by. #
• wheels down in Boston! time to head home to kid craziness. #
• so i get home from my trip to portland to find i've been summoned to jury duty – GRAND jury duty. not good. #

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• so, i remembered to bring my dongle on this business trip, but, turns out i brought the WRONG dongle. awkward! #
• 4:30pm here on the west coast. seems way too early for a world series game. but, what the hell. #
• conference day over. time for beer and baseball. #
• honestly, i don't want to sound negative but it's not looking good for the phillies. #
• another conference meal is down the hatch. already picked out beer drinking/dinner spot for later. #
• Portland seems like a great place. the kind of place where a man get some thinking done – possibly without pants. #
• there should still be a game 7 in the WS tonight. sports teams should be required to play the full length of a series no matter what. #

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• behold, for I am in portland! let the games begin. #
• 10:45pm pacific time/1:45am my time (eastern) time. WAY past my bedtime no matter how you cut it. #
• good morning, portland! extra points to my hotel for providing the peet's coffee in the room. another plus: i am not gassy! #
• missing my 10 year old's birthday party today, while i am across the country on business, i.e. continuing to scar child for life. #
• dear maine, which i love so much: you get the boner award of the week for shooting down gay marriage. maybe boner isn't the right word… #

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• just printed out boarding pass for flight to portland tomorrow. kudos to alaska airlines for putting sudoku puzzles on boarding pass! #
• looks like one of the phillies has an ouchy. better get out the boo-boo bunny. #
• as long as the phillies don't bring in brad lidge for a 12 out save, they should win this game. #
• look at me still up at 10:25, just like a 30 year old. #
• Congrats to Mel Gibson and his girlfriend who had a baby last week. Mel was thrilled that she gave birth to happy, healthy, non-Jew. #
• just ate two toaster waffles and i'm a better man for it. #
• grabbing a pre-flight beer at Logan airport. #
• on the plane to Portland! my first flight on Alaska Airlines, you betcha. #

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• about to attempt family dinner on 10 year old's birthday. this could get ugly. #
• monday is barely underway and i'm already ready to moon it. #
• RR: new IT Underworld cartoon posted! where the wild things are, part 2: http://tinyurl.com/ycvt5j3 #
• note to self: don't forget to pack dongle for upcoming business trip. #
• Scientists in Beijing made it snow by planting special chemicals into clouds. They said it was just like regular snow but with more MSG. #
• the boner of the weekend award goes to brad lidge for not covering third base on the johnny damon steal. congrats, brad! #
• my stomach has not yet gotten the memo about the time change. #
• 5:02pm and it's pitch black out. somehow i sense that al qaeda is to blame. either them or glenn beck. #

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• holy crap, i barely survived taking the kids trick or treating. i'm too old for this. home now drinking beer. #
• phillies fans getting extra time to drink before the games starts. what could go wrong? #
• my mom set her clocks back saturday morning. time to start getting price quotes for the old folks homes. #
• 10 years ago tomorrow our first child was born, which means it's been 10 years since i've been able to think straight. #
• it's birthday present time for the new 10-year-old! #
• note to self: next year don't weigh self the morning after halloween. #
• the 10 year old's main birthday present: getting her ears pierced. i had to wait until i was 17. #
• if i search for people using bing does that mean i've banged them? #

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