• sweet lord it’s only tuesday. why am i being tortured? #
• i’m finding myself writing more jokes for @jimmyfallon these than for mr. letterman. not sure what to make of that. #
• great, it’s raining. i don’t recall authorizing that. #
• Barry Bonds and his wife, Liz, are getting divorced. They’ve agreed to split all their assets: the house, the money and her clean urine. #
• my groin is a little gimpy but that’s not keeping me out of game 6! EAT IT, crap wings! #
• i’d rather see north korea win the stanley cup than the stank wings. #Pens #
• is it too early to hit on Bar Refaeli? http://tinyurl.com/l5ggzm #
• the red wings have pregame buffets of small children and bunnies. #Pens #
• STUFFFED! nice save, flower. the red wings are in favor of waterboarding. #Pens #
• let’s go comrade malkin! score one for the proletariat! #Pens #
• babcock. nuff said. #Pens #
• the officials are doing one hell of a job tonight! nice work, zebras! keep it up. #Pens #
• the red wings have come out in opposition to judge sotomayor. #Pens #
• right about now the red wings are changing into fresh sports bras. #penguins #
• GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLL!!! NOT TONIGHT DOUCHE WINGS! #penguins #
• i guess chris osgood needs a new feminine product. #penguins #
• marian hossa is against flossing regularly. #penguins #
• looks like the fart wings forgot to take their lipitor today. #penguins #
• GREAT period, boys! the wings are done – and evil. #penguins #
• GGGGOOOOOOAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE WINGS HATE DOLPHINS! #penguins #
• NOT TONIGHT AL QAEDA WINGS!!!!!!!!! you old farts are done. SUCK IT! #penguins #
• marian hossa buys japanese cars. #penguins #
• pfffft. meaningless, lame goal! #penguins #
• the officials are doing a crappy job tonight. you suck, zebras! #penguins #
• looks like i picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue. #penguins #
• STUFFED! NOT TONIGHT EVIL WINGS!!!!!!!! #penguins #
• HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! WE WIN!!! GOOD TRIUMPHS OVER EVIL!!! WINGS SUCK! #penguins #
• YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE WINNING! #penguins #
• marian hossa comes up small again. no shock there. #penguins #
• sorry, wings fans: i wore my lucky fleece football pants tonight (http://tinyurl.com/kv73cp). they are undefeated. you never had a chance. #
• mike milbury: “marian hossa was NOWHERE to be found tonight.” HAHAHAHAHA! shocker! #
• i may need a valium to get to sleep tonight, after that game. #

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