Happy Earth Day!

Are you like me? I enjoyed Earth Day more when it was less commercial.

Everybody’s here in New York City is excited about Earth Day.

Today, for example, my hairpiece is made from 100% recycled milk bottles.

Everybody’s here in New York City is excited about Earth Day.

Earlier today, for example, I went down to Times Square and hired a recycled hooker.

Everybody’s here in New York City is excited about Earth Day.

Today at the Hello Deli they were offering half-off the recycled meat loaf.

Over in Iraq they’re turning Saddam Hussein’s old presidential palace into a hotel and his old bedroom into a honeymoon suite.

It’s a little pricey but the good news is if you can’t afford the honeymoon suite, for a lot less you can rent out his old spider hole.

Bill Clinton and George W. Bush are going to appear on stage together for a conversation in Toronto.

The conversation will be limited to two hours, will be moderated by a third party and the topics will be confined to domestic and foreign policy. They’re the same rules Bill and Hillary use.

Over in Gaza this week Hamas has opened their first bank.

The bank offers savings accounts, checking accounts and camel improvement loans.

President Obama is going to appear shirtless on the cover of the May issue of The Washingtonian magazine.

Not to be outdone, Joe Biden is going to appear on the cover of the June issue without his hair plugs.

A 7.03-carat blue diamond is expected to be sold at auction this week for $8.5 million.

Experts say it could go for even more if Kobe Bryant has an affair before the auction.

Scientists in England announced this week that fat people are a major cause of global warming.

They also found that fat people are a major cause of ice cream shortages at Dairy Queen.