Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

Here’s how I proposed: I got down on one knee, took her hand and asked her to sign a pre-nup.

Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

After 23 years I knew it was time, before my 401K got any lower.

Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

My girlfriend and I waited 23 years to get married because that’s how long it took to work out the pre-nup.

Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

When my mom and I showed up at the wedding the guy at the door said, “Are you two the parents of the bride or groom?”

Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

When I showed up at the wedding the guy at the door said, “And you must be the father of the bride.”

Congratulations to me, who got married last week to my long time girlfriend.

The wedding night was a big success – I didn’t have to be hospitalized.

Last week a Greek fisherman caught a 2,000 years old bronze statue in the Aegean Sea.

It’s the oldest thing pulled out of the sea other that didn’t land up at Red Lobster.

Over in China they’re developing a musical based on Das Kapital.

It’s not going well; so far nobody can think of anything that rhymes with “proletariat”.

The Octomom is refusing to identify the father of her children.

All she’ll say about him is he’s in his late thirties, he’s not American and he’s currently not returning her messages.

Microsoft has released Internet Explorer 8, which has a special porn mode.

Here’s how porn mode works: it makes it much easier to operate the browser one handed.