MONDAY: Here in New York City everybody is excited about St. Patrick’s Day tomorrow.
Over at the Hello Deli they’ll be offering their annual St. Patrick’s Day special – half off the green meatloaf.
MONDAY: Here in New York City the bad economy is going to affect the St. Patrick’s Day parade tomorrow.
In order to save money instead of hiring an actor, Mayor Bloomberg is going to wear a leprechaun outfit.
MONDAY: Bernie Madoff spent his first weekend in jail.
He’s already making himself useful: earlier today he volunteered to teach the regular criminals all about white collar crime.
MONDAY: Bernie Madoff spent his first weekend in jail in solitary confinement.
He’s having a hard time in solitary. Earlier today his guards caught him swindling himself.
MONDAY: Bernie Madoff spent his first weekend in jail in solitary confinement.
He’s alone 23 hours a day, only showers twice a week and has no visitors – it’s like I have a twin.
MONDAY: Over the weekend here in New York City the police gave out 9,000 tickets to people using handheld cell phones while they were driving.
That’s why I always pay extra for the Bluetooth hooker.
MONDAY: Over the weekend here in New York City the police gave out 9,000 tickets to people using handheld cell phones while they were driving.
The crackdown has affected everyone. Earlier today my cab driver was using a Bluetooth turban.
WEDNESDAY: Happy birthday to C-SPAN, which turns 30 tomorrow.
My show actually has a lot in common with C-SPAN: we’ve both been on for 30 years, we’ve both interviewed thousands of guests and neither of us makes anybody laugh.
There’s a new audiotape out from Osama bin Laden.
Experts say it’s recent because at the end of the tape he gives his Final Four picks.
I never watch the NCAA basketball tournament.
I figure if I want to watch guys who aren’t ready for the pros play basketball I’ll just go watch the Knicks.
Everybody here in New York City has March Madness.
Earlier tonight the Knicks lost to Alabama State.
The NCAA tournament begins Tuesday with a play-in game between the number 64 and 65 best teams in the country.
It features Alabama State vs the Knicks.
New York area teams are well represented in the NCAA tournament.
Connecticut is a 1 seed, Syracuse is a 3 seed and, I believe, the Knicks are a 16 seed.
North Korean has opened its first Italian restaurant.
Experts say they could soon be capable of making cannolis of mass destruction.
North Korean has opened its first Italian restaurant.
They’re saying that they only plan to use their knowledge of making raviolis for peaceful purposes.
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