It was a wet, nasty, cold day here today here in New York City.
It was so bad here today that Israel attacked Al Roker.
Earlier today President-elect Obama named his Chief Performance Officer.
John McCain also has a chief performance officer – the pharmacist who gives him his Viagra.
President-elect Obama is getting a brand new presidential limousine when he takes office in a few weeks.
They say it cost $1 million – and that’s just for the undercoating.
President-elect Obama is getting a brand new presidential limousine when he takes office in a few weeks.
They say it cost $1 million, minus $500 on the trade in.
President-elect Obama is getting a brand new presidential limousine when he takes office in a few weeks.
They really went all out: it’s got 8-inch thick doors, bulletproof glass and satellite radio.
President-elect Obama is getting a brand new presidential limousine when he takes office in a few weeks.
They said it’s so strong it could withstand a hit from Billy Joel.
We have an acorn shortage here in New York City.
Here’s how bad it is: earlier today Mayor Bloomberg laid off 1,000 squirrels.
Here in Manhattan people are complaining about a maple syrup-like odor in the air.
It is odd because usually the only sap here in Manhattan is me.
Scientists announced this week that the Milky Way galaxy is larger and heavier than previously thought.
That’s right, larger and heavier than previously thought – no, wait, I’m sorry, that’s Oprah.
Scientists announced this week that the Milky Way galaxy is 50% heavier than previously thought.
They figured out its weight using high-powered telescopes, three dimensional mapping software and mathematical models. It’s the same thing they do for Michael Moore’s weight.
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