MONDAY: OJ Simpson was sentenced on Friday for kidnapping and assault.

Here’s the deal: he was sentenced to 33 years in prison, but he could get time off for non-murderous behavior.

MONDAY: OJ Simpson was sentenced on Friday for kidnapping and assault.

OJ was very remorseful at the sentencing. He said if he had to do it all over again, he wouldn’t – unless he had a lawyer who could rhyme.

MONDAY: OJ Simpson was convicted on Friday to 33 years in prison, but it could be less with good behavior.

That seems likely because, really, when you think of OJ, you think of good behavior.

MONDAY: Giants’ receiver Plaxico Burress accidentally shot himself in the leg with his own gun last week.

He’s the biggest celebrity here in New York to shoot himself in the foot since I decided to come to CBS.

MONDAY: Giants’ receiver Plaxico Burress was arrested after shooting himself with unlicensed gun last week.

It’s very serious; he could get 7 in prison or 5 years with the Detroit Lions.

MONDAY: Last week here in New York they lit the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree.

I didn’t bother going to see it. I figure if I want to see a bunch of big tall, dead wood getting lit up I’ll just go see the Knicks.

FRIDAY: Eight years ago today the Supreme Court declared George Bush the winner over Al Gore.

Earlier today President Bush celebrated by pardoning the Supreme Court.

FRIDAY: Eight years ago today the Supreme Court declared George Bush the winner over Al Gore.

Legally, the case is referred to as “Gore v Dumbass.”

Earlier tonight I saw a sure sign that it’s Christmas time.

I saw people caroling over at Grant’s Tomb.

Everybody is in the Christmas spirit.

Earlier today my cab driver was dressed as a shepherd – no, wait, he WAS a shepherd.

Everybody is in the Christmas spirit.

Earlier today down in Washington Dick Cheney waterboarded an elf.

This will be President Bush’s last Christmas in the White House.

Earlier today for the last time he used White House stationary to write a letter to Santa.

It was cold here today in New York.

It was so cold today that Plaxico Burress shot Al Roker.

Alex Rodriguez said this week that he’s going to play for the Dominican Republic next year at the World Baseball Classic, instead of for the United States.

He’s already training hard to make the switch; earlier today he dropped Madonna for Jennifer Lopez.

Barack Obama has promised to not smoke at all while he is in the White House.

I believe the last president to use tobacco in the White House was Bill Clinton – but he didn’t smoke it.