We have a new problem here in New York City: raccoons.

So now we have the rats and the raccoons and they don’t get along. They’re like the Crips and the Bloods of the rodent world.

We have a new problem here in New York City: raccoons.

So now we have the rats and the raccoons and they don’t get along. In fact, earlier today I saw a gang of rats and a gang of raccoons squaring off in a knife fight.

People magazine named Hugh Jackman the sexiest man alive this week.

I hate it when People names their sexiest man alive because then I always have to spend hours on the phone consoling Regis.

Celebrity birthdays: Vice President-elect Joe Biden turns 66 today.

In the spirit of bi-partisanship earlier today Dick Cheney treated him to a day of waterboarding prisoners.

On this day in 1962 the Cuban Missile Crisis ended.

I believe that was the last missile crisis an American president had to deal with until Bill met Monica.

Scientists said this week that they can regenerate extinct species of animals using ancient DNA.

Using new DNA techniques they feel they can resurrect such extinct species as wooly mammoths, Neanderthals and the Knicks’ half court offense.

Scientists said this week that they could regenerate wooly mammoths for $10 million.

I believe that would make it the most expensive resurrection project, other than the Yankees.

Scientists said this week that they could regenerate wooly mammoths from a few strands of ancient hair.

It’s the same team that worked on Cher.