MONDAY: We didn’t have much of an Easter celebration at my house yesterday.

Here’s how low key it was: the biggest ham we had in the house was me.

MONDAY: Everybody here in New York City still has Easter fever.

Earlier today my cab driver was wearing a chocolate turban.

MONDAY: Yesterday here in New York they had the big Easter Parade.

People always wear crazy, outrageous hats in the Easter Parade. Yesterday I saw a guy with this big, ridiculous furry orange thing on his head – no, wait, I’m sorry, that was Donald Trump.

MONDAY: Earlier today down in Washington they had the annual Easter egg hunt at the White House.

They didn’t say who dressed up as the Easter Bunny this year but the kids there said he a fluffy tail, big ears and a mean sneer.

MONDAY: There was a new audiotape from Osama bin Laden last week.

Experts say they know it’s recent because in the message Osama wished everybody a happy Easter.

MONDAY: Here in New York we had the big auto show last week.

It was a big success – only 10 cars were stolen.

MONDAY: Vice President Dick Cheney wrapped up his trip to the Mide East with a visit to Turkey today.

Dick Cheney in Turkey – that’s seems appropriate.

WEDNESDAY: Celebrity birthdays: Viagra turns 10 years old tomorrow.

Viagra was the greatest thing for my sex life since they invented portable credit card machines.

It’s officially spring!

Spring, of course, is the mating season – or, as they call it up in Albany, the busy season.

It’s March Madness time!

I’m not a big college basketball fan. I figure if I want to see a bunch of guys who aren’t ready for the pros I’ll just go watch the Knicks.

We learned this week that former Governor Eliot Spitzer likes to leave his socks on when he has sex.

When I’m having sex the only piece of clothing I like to keep on is my hair.

New Governor David Paterson has spent $5,000 on flowers for his girlfriends over the last six years.

I’m thinking I haven’t spent that much money over the last six years on sex.

This week NASA scientists said they witnessed a star exploding halfway across the universe.

They say they haven’t seen a star explode like that since Alec Baldwin

Scientists in North Dakota have discovered the fossils of a 65 million year old dinosaur with its skin still intact.

They say it’s the oldest, best preserved skin they’ve ever seen – other than Cher’s.

A guy here in New York is suing Wendy’s because he claims he bit into a hamburger with a screw in it.

Apparently it was all just a misunderstanding; when he asked to have it supersized, the guy behind the counter thought he said “galvanized.”