MONDAY: Congratulations to the New York Giants for winning Super Bowl XLII last night.

It was an exciting game. I haven’t been that excited since I accidentally took a double dose of Cialis.

MONDAY: Things got pretty crazy here in Manhattan after the Giants won the Super Bowl last night.

Here’s how crazy things got: at one point a group of fans overturned Rosie O’Donnell.

MONDAY: The Giants winning the Super Bowl was good and bad for me.

The good news is I was happy that the Giants won. The bad news is I have to cover mom’s gambling losses.

MONDAY: Yesterday, just like every year, I had a big Super Bowl party at my house.

And, just like every year, I spent the entire party in my safe room.

MONDAY: We had a big Super Bowl party at my house yesterday.

Mom was there and made her famous 100 proof nachos.

MONDAY: We had a big Super Bowl party at my house yesterday.

I made my famous nachos. Here’s what I put on them: guacamole, salsa, and Lipitor.

MONDAY: How about that Super Bowl half time show?

It was so long and boring that earlier today Arlen Specter promised to investigate.

MONDAY: Saturday was Groundhog Day and the groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter.

President Bush is already doing something about it. Earlier today he invaded Hawaii.

MONDAY: Saturday was Groundhog Day and the groundhog predicted six more weeks of winter.

In response, earlier today Punxsutawney Phil was arrested and sent to Gitmo.

MONDAY: Saturday was Groundhog Day and Punxsutawney Phil predicted six more weeks of winter.

Earlier today Arlen Specter promised to investigate.

TUESDAY: Earlier today here in New York City they had a victory parade for the Giants.

The parade was a big success; only three Giants are missing.

TUESDAY: I voted earlier today and all day people have been asking me who I voted for.

I don’t like to share that kind of information so when I get asked that question I just say I voted for somebody wearing pants.

TUESDAY: This could be a make or break day for Barack Obama.

He could either lock up the Democratic nomination or be in a lot of trouble with Oprah.

TUESDAY: Down in Times Square the hookers are offering their usual Election Day special.

For $50 you can get polled.

It’s Fashion Week here in New York City.

Everybody here has Fashion Week fever. Earlier today Roger Clemens tested positive for product.

It’s Fashion Week here in New York City.

Everybody here has Fashion Week fever. Earlier today the Mets traded for Calvin Klein.