President Bush had a colonoscopy last weekend.

Please fill in your own punch line here.

Joke writers across the land – including myself – were busy filling in punch lines to that setup earlier this week. I wrote and submitted a bunch of such jokes to David Letterman and managed to get one (with a slightly different setup) on Tuesday’s Late Show (7/23/07).

President Bush’s doctors found five small polyps in his colon this weekend.

I’m thinking we should send these guys out to look for bin Laden.

Click here to hear it live! (format: MP3, size: 143kb)

There were many better jokes about this topic than mine, in particular Dave’s closing joke which came right after mine. It’s well worth your while to hear it by watching the video of the whole monologue here.

Former Knight Rider and Baywatch star David Hasselhoff turns 55 years young this week. Hard to believe, I know. For those who missed it, the Hoff had a little episode recently where his daughter videotaped him lying the floor, topless and drunk as a skunk eating a cheeseburger. Well, from there it ain’t a big jump to imagine how he might have celebrated his big day. Needless to say, it’s a joke that wrote itself which I submitted to Dave Letterman and which he told on Tuesday’s Late Show (7/17/07):

Celebrity birthdays: David Hasselhoff turns 55 today.

He celebrated by eating cake off the floor.

Click here to hear it live! (format: MP3, size: 153kb)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Hopefully he still has that car that can drive itself.

Who says Friday the 13th is unlucky? Not me! Especially not after my hero David Letterman told the following joke I wrote on last Friday’s Late Show (7/13/07).

The hookers in Times Square are offering their Friday the 13th special.

For an extra $50 you’re guaranteed to get lucky.

Click here to hear it live! (format: MP3, size: 88kb)

You can also watch the video of the entire monologue here.

Anybody else get lucky on Friday 13th?