Well, Christmas is finally here which means one thing: I’m done writing Christmas jokes for another year! Hallelujah! All December long I was writing and submitting jokes to the Late Show based on the birth of a certain highly talented carpenter. Sadly, just about all of them were rejected, like this little comedy gem:

Earlier today I got a Christmas card from Regis.

It’s a lovely card. It has a picture of Regis surrounded by all of his money.

And this one:

Here’s a gift idea for any last minute shoppers out there.

Down in Times Square this year the hookers are offering gift certificates.

However, after striking out all month, I finally managed to get one on air when Dave Letterman told this joke on Friday’s show (12/22/06).

The Christmas season is here which means I have lots of people to tip.

Every year I go through the same dilemma: how much should I tip the guy who dry cleans my hairpiece?

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 103kb) or check it out here.

When in doubt, make a joke about Dave’s hair. This one’s for you, Santa!

As you know, Mel Gibson recently let the world know – in no uncertain terms – that he doesn’t like Jewish people. In a related story, after a spectacular opening weekend, Mel’s latest movie Apocalypto, didn’t do so well in its second week of release. Anybody with even the slightest sense of humor could put those two stories together and write yet another Mel-Gibson-hates-Jews-joke, as I did recently in writing the following joke for David Letterman, which he told on Monday’s Late Show (12/18/06):

Mel Gibson’s Apocalypto was the number one movie last week and this week it dropped to number five.

Guess who Mel is blaming…

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 178kb) or check it out here.

Easy peasy, as they say.