The date in that title is not a typo. Although the Late Show was in production last week, I was on vacation, and so did not submit any new material. So, I’ve picked out selected rejects from the last week of June 2005 for your viewing pleasure.
President Bush was evacuated from the White House last night after a small plane violated restricted airspace over Washington.
Secret Service agents quickly took President Bush to a secure location so he could finish watching “Dancing with the Stars.”
Homeland security officials said that for a short time last night the White House threat alert level was raised to red.
Here’s how scary it was: President Bush tried to scramble the Batmobile.
It’s been really hot and humid here in New York City.
It was so hot here today that on my way to work I saw Batman on the side of the road because the Batmobile overheated.
Tom Cruise said this week that he believes aliens exist.
Tom Cruise is getting so strange even Michael Jackson is starting to think he’s creepy.
The other day in Moscow New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft let President Vladimir Putin see his Super Bowl ring and Putin put it in his pocket and kept it.
When they heard the news, the New York Jets said, “You can do that?”
Nick Carter of the Backstreet Boys was ordered to enroll in an alcohol treatment program after being arrested for drunk driving.
The judge ordered him to stop drinking – and to stop making records.
A movie theater chain is offering a money back guarantee for “Cinderella Man.”
Not only that, but for anybody who doesn’t like the movie, Russell Crowe is promising to beat up the box office attendant
A Louisiana woman claims that she found part of a finger in her salad at Applebee’s.
In a related matter today Wendy’s announced they’re suing Applebee’s for stealing the recipe for their “secret sauce.”
A Louisiana woman is suing Applebees because she found a finger in her salad during a meal there last year.
Apparently it was a pretty unpleasant experience – and finding the finger wasn’t too much fun either
It’s been really hot and humid here in New York City.
It’s been so hot that over at Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum they say Marlon Brando has melted off two pants sizes.
Former President Bill Clinton visited former President George Bush in Maine yesterday and took a boat ride on the ocean.
Did you see the boat they were on? It was big. In fact, I believe President Clinton hasn’t boarded something that big since – Monica.
This week Michael Jackson said his family, friends and God dried his tears during his recent trial.
Well, them and a trained team of tear-drying chimps.
The Supreme Court ruled this week that the Ten Commandments cannot be displayed on government property.
They ruled that religious expression should be restricted to places of worship, private residences, and U.S. foreign policy.
Logo, the first cable channel for gays and lesbians, debuts this week.
I believe that prior to this the only gay programming on TV was “Dancing with the Stars.”
Celebrity birthdays: Derek Jeter turned 31 yesterday.
Let’s see, he’s 31 years old, he’s tough as mails and he costs a fortune – just like the Yankee Stadium hot dogs.
Religious hard liner Mahmoud Ahmadinejad was elected president of Iran last week.
I believe he’s the first religious hard liner to win a presidential election since George Bush.
A new love poem by a famous Greek lesbian, Sappho, has been discovered and published.
Here’s how the poem begins, “There once was a woman named Rosie…”
There’s a new line of sneakers out made from crocodile and ostrich skins with diamonds on them that can cost as much as $4,000 a pair.
The company that makes them says they’re aimed at people who don’t want to play a sport but just want to stand around looking good – like the Knicks.
-Chum [link]
