It’s been hot and sweaty here in New York City.

It was so hot today that Angelina Jolie decided to adopt an Eskimo kid.

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Today’s the official first day of summer.

It’s the longest day of the year that doesn’t involve a roast turkey and end with me writing somebody out of my will.

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The bad news about it being summer is that it’s officially tourist season here in New York City.

The good news is summer is the time all the rats go to the Hamptons.

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President Bush is in Austria today meeting with the leaders of 25 European nations.

He’s excited about it because it means he gets to tell his “If you’re on the potty and you’re not American, then you’re-a-peein’” joke 25 times.

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President Bush is in Austria today trying to convince European leaders to eliminate agricultural subsidies in order to promote global free trade.

Yeah, he has no idea what that means either.

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Regis Philbin has been elected to the Academy of Television Art & Sciences Hall of Fame.

Apparently, he made it by this much (hold fingers close together) – because if he was this much shorter he wouldn’t have made the height requirement.

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Congratulations to the Miami Heat who won the NBA title last night.

The Heat are an exciting team filled with talented young stars who’ll someday be overpriced has-beens with the Knicks.

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President Bush said this week that we will not prematurely withdraw from Iraq.

I believe the last president to withdraw prematurely was – Clinton.

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Yesterday NASA named Pamela Ann Melroy to be the second woman shuttle commander on a flight next year.

She’ll be the second woman to command a shuttle flight – at least from the front seat.

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Scientists announced this week that they’ve been able to make paralyzed rats walk.

Talk about a dream come true!