So this week was the 100th anniversary of the big San Francisco earthquake. This led to the obvious FEMA-is-slow-they’re-still-on-their-way-to-San Francisco-joke, or some variant thereof. I’m sure you thought of it. I know I thought of it and sent it off to David Letterman, who told it on Tuesday’s Late Show (4/18/06) to close out his monologue.

Today is the 100th anniversary of the big San Francisco earthquake.

FEMA is on the way.

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 158kb) or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

Here’s the thing: three other freelance writers and a pair of staff writers also thought of it and submitted it to Dave. Even though I wasn’t the only one to think of it the important thing I still get a check and can claim responsibility. Consider it now claimed.

Life is all about tooting your own horn so, toot!

It may not be football season yet, but the second best sport’s season is underway again. That’s right: steroid-ball is back, baby! Sure, my beloved Pirates have already been mathematically eliminated from the playoffs before Easter for the thirteenth straight year, but there are still lots of things to like about the baseball season. Baseball means warm weather, grown men scratching themselves and – of course – late night talk show jokes! Dave Letterman is a big sports fan and he never misses a chance to take a jab at the Mets and Yankees and, in particular, Yankee Stadium hot dogs. Knowing this, I whipped up the following little joke that he told on Tuesday night’s Late Show (4/11/06):

Earlier today the Yankees played their home opener at Yankee Stadium.

It was an emotional moment when they introduced the old timers – and those were just the hot dogs.

Click here to hear it live (format: MP3, size: 80kb) or check it out on my Late Night Joke page.

Semi-interestingly, this is only the second joke of mine that Dave has told in April over the last three years. The last one was from April 28, 2004:

Two men were arrested in Central Park after they were found naked in a tree having sex.

I thought this was clever: when the police asked them why they were having sex in a tree, they said because the subway was too crowded.

That’s one of my all-time favorites. Oh yeah.

Go Bucs!

Believe it or not, tax season is upon us already! Like doing your taxes? Well, who doesn’t? If you think doing your taxes is fun, how about watching somebody else do his taxes? Drop what you’re doing right now and watch my friend Steve do his.

Hey look, another refund! Nice!

I’m am now officially billing myself as a writer for The New York Times; that’s right, one of my jokes has been published in the paper of record!

Well, OK, technically David Letterman was pubished in this past Sunday’s Times (4/2/06) but, hell, it was my joke they printed. That should count for something with the chicks (i.e. my wife and daughters). Then again, probably not…

Check it out, yo!